Strawberry Underground

Life!

2010-02-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

Mood: Happy
Tunes: "Good Ol' Fashion Nightmare" Matt and Kim.

I love singing this song obnosiouly loud. I'm not sure why. Oh well! All in good fun I suppose.

So this post is just an update on how I am. As of now, I am much better! I am happyer than ever and my life is filled with joy. Still a little nervous about DA adutions but that will just have to work its self out. Lalala. How are all of you?

Thanks fallowers and people who take time out of there lifes to read this!!

:)

Best wishes!

The Big Trip

2010-02-12T15:57:00.001-08:00

Daylight. Part one.

Starting a journey.

First stop, out of my mind.

Embracing pill on tounge.

Melting.

Waiting.

BANG!!

Colors everywhere.

The road turns into a snake....

We can't stop!

Theres bats everywehre man!

Drive fucker drive!!!

Speedfreak on LSD.

TO. Be. CONTINUED.

Moods Part 1: Depression, Anger, Relief, and Thoughts on Cenzorship.

2010-02-08T18:23:00.000-08:00

I scowle at the earth.

And everything with in it.

I laugh.

A harsh laugh.

While I listening to Bauhaus in a darkend room.

Over.

And over and over again.

Feeling like they understand.

Or feeling like someone does.

I spit on the earth.

Fire claws threw my fingure tips.

Just... Shut. Up.

Let me be alone in my room.

With my thoughts, fears, and tears once and awhile.

Or not.

Do I need a reason to be sad?

Do I really need a reason to just not want to go on?

I shouldnt.

But they make if feel like I do.

The doctors, the mother, the people.

Cant they all just except the fact I am just sad for no reason and move on.

Then it happens.

I get mad. Real mad. Mad I want to brake someones face.

Instead I yell.

Then I dont want to be dealt with.

Just... stay out of my life.

For a day or two.

Then I am ok.

I get by.

And continue.

Sometimes It will rise up again.

So I curse to cope.

I get yelled at.

Cenzorship is useless....

It only blinds you momentarily.

If some words offend you then shouldnt they all?

I sit alone again.

Bauhaus in my thoughts...

"Who Killed Mr. Moonlight?''
"Who Killed Mr. Moonlight?''

I dont know.

Sweeney so far.

2010-02-06T17:14:00.001-08:00

"Mr. Todd sir?" Coralline stammered out. Never in all of her 18 years has her curiosity sir her as much as this! She was a tailors apprentice. She lived in a basement under Mrs. Lady Wotton Taylor shop on Fleet Street in London. She came across from Boston to flee from her families past. They where all hung from witch craft. The man did not speak. A barber lived up stairs and seldom came down. "Mr. T-Todd?" She said a little louder. The man turned to look at her. His expression remained the same; somber. "I... I know you don’t like to be disturbed in your work but... but I made you tea." She said softly and held out a cup and saucer for him. He glanced at her, then her slightly shaking hand. "Thank you, love." he said barley audible. She nodded and placed it on the table and feeling her self go pink... she left. Coralline walked down the stairs to the small little work room to mend a dress. "He certainly is handsome.... No wonder he charms Lady Wotton so easily!! Oh stop thinking of such things! Your here to survive not love.... not yet anyway." She thought. "OUCH!!" She pricked her figure on the sewing needle.... again...
* Upstairs in The Baber Shop *
Sweeney Todd sat in his barber chair. He gazed out at the rainy world that London gave him, sorrowfully. His neck itched. He gritted his teeth in pain and starched around the scar he had received from a little boy, so many years ago. Sometimes, the urge to kill would grip him so hard along with this pain that.... he acted on it. Sweeney Todd vowed to find said boy, he now assumed a man, and drag him threw hell! He knew he was to die someday but it was NOT going to be by the hands of a Orphan boy! And when, Sweeney did in fact die, as we all disserve to do, he would quietly go back to hell. There was no hope for him pleading with God. He begged no one. He knew his hope was gone. He glanced over at his table. The tea! He walked over to it and sipped it gratefully. "The girl is sweet but curious..." he thought " perhaps to curious" he finished aloud. He sat down again and began to clean his razors.
*Down stairs*
"Are you finished with those dresses!?" snapped Mrs. Lady Wotton coming in from shopping. "Three of them, Auntie... I mean Lady Wotton." Coralline mudded. "DONT CALL ME AUNTIE!! I am ashamed to be related to you! But in any case, how many did I give you to finish?" She said. "Four Lady Wotton." Coralline replied not meeting the fat frogs gaze. "I see what of the forth, Coralline?" "It couldn’t be finished. We ran out of red thread today when I finished the order for The Duke Of Lexington, Lady Wotton." She replied holding her tongue. "Well then go out to the market and get some thread child! Use your head you useless thing!!" She snapped. "But its raining!! And I have no umbrella or money to buy one!" Coralline protested. "No buts! Out!" Lady Wotton hissed. Her fat neck jiggled when she yelled. "Y-yes mama." Coralline mudded and marched out into London’s cold and bitter rain. Sweeney saw her go out. He felt no pity or sympathy, but an old emotion stirred inside him. He grew dizzy. He threw himself down in the chair and was soon lost in thought.

Coralline quickly became utterly lost. Rain fell down in sheets. She walked blindly. Anger filled her. At last! She reached the tread shop only to find it was close. "That Old' bitch!" she mudded. She continued to curse like a sailor and tried to find her way back threw wind and rain. Coralline wandered off blindly. Her long black hair getting in the way... She cursed her self as she felt hot tears of frustration burn down her face.

Sweeney woke with a start. His nightmare was his only dream. He felt angry, hunger for blood shed and screams. He began to see flashes of red in his vision. His snake like tongue licked his lips. "Tonight someone will die by the hands of Sweeney Todd!!" He thought with a mad pleasure. "Soon..." he drew out his razor, "You shall drip rubies, my love, perisous rubies..." he sang softly and got up. Excited he went down stairs to find a victim...

Lady Wotton ate her dinner and looked by the fire. "The store is closed, Mama.." said a dripping wet cold and hunger Coralline. "Well that is not my concern! Until you finish that dress..." she pointed to the half sew dress in the coner. "You shall be locked in the basement!" "Lady Wotton, honestly!! How can I finish a dress when we have no thread, and it is terribly dark down there. Why it isn’t even light enough to see praticly let alone finish a dress!" Coralline exclaimed. "Didn’t your mother teach you to hold your tounge!!??" Lady Wotton stood and grabbed her wrist. "Oww!!..." She struggled. "L-let me go you old' hag!!" Lady Wotton slapped her. "YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILD!!" She then pushed her into the darkness that was the basement and locked the door. Coralline hit the floor and laid there in a daze. Sweeney herd all this and waited to here the door lock then, he entered. "Why! Lady Wotton! Never have I seen a lovely her face! Your red as a rose my dear!" he said. "Oh... why Mr. Todd, please!!" She giggled and batted her eyelashes in an attempted to be attractive. But alas! She had grown old and fat, her youth had left her. Coralline jumped up when she herd his voice. "Maybe Mr. Todd will let me out!!" She blushed and she felt it. "Oooh... I already have been upon these strange shores for a month and I am fascinated....with a man no less..." She shook it off and pressed her ear a against the door to listen. Of all the things one could think about being locked in a dark basement, she thought about how she looked! Why if Mr. Todd where to open the door!! She dreaded the thought more than she dreaded death.

"My dear Lady Wotton, may I have the honor to kiss your lovely cheek?" Sweeney asked with a good air of nobility. He was always good at lying... to women in particular. "WHAT!!??" Coralline covered her mouth. "Oooh Mr. Todd, that would most please me." giggled Lady Wotton and she snorted she had giggled so much. Sweeney Todd acted quickly. He lead in as if to kiss her then he grabbed her neck and pulled her head back and held her there, then with his free hand he produced a razor. "wh..WHAT!!?" The old frog croaked. He lifted his razor high. He felt it shine. A mad smile curved upon his lips. "Y-your Mad!!" She croaked but it was drowned out by a hideous gurgling sound. Blood sprayed everywhere. The gurgling and gushing hid his mad laughing and slashes. Soon.... when he felt satisfied, he stopped. "What was that!?" Coralline thought then her mind responded. "She's probly just clogged the sink or something..."

Sweeney walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a crystal glass. He turned it around and looked at his blood covered reflection. He walked over to the victim and tilted its head down so the blood could drip. It oozed down slowly.. like a whisper one gives to there lover. Soon enough it filled the glass. He lifted it up and let the body slump over. He smiled slyly at the thought of never tasting blood. He swirled the liquid in its crystal like it was a fine glass of wine. He smiled to him self. Then he gently kissed the rim of the glass to his lips. He drank every drop. And he drank the last few drops with pleasure knowing that he could easily convince Coralline that all she herd was a clogged drain and Lady Wotton had gone away.

Days seem to pass (in reality only a few hours) for Coralline. "LET ME OUT!! PLEASE!!" She pounded against the door. He ignored her muffled cries. The body!! He quickly lifted the fat thing and dragged her to the docks. He had to take the long way in order not to be seen. He quickly disposed of it. He quickly went back to the shop. He darted into the parlor. There, was a lose strip of wall paper. Sweeney pulled it back it held two keys, one for the shop and the other for the basement. He locked the shop door then went to wash him self. He sighed wishing he could have disposed of it like he used to. Drag her to the chair, hit the pedal down the basement door and let her rot.

Coralline herd a door slam and foot steps. She banged on the door again and again. She was cold... so very cold. Suddenly, light flooded the room. "What... How long have I been down hear??" She said. She had to close her eyes for the light hurt. "A few hours I should guess, Miss Coralline." It was Mr. Todd. Coralline looked at him blushing. "I..i...oh... excuse me...I must wash my self!!" She hurried up the steps and darted into the bathroom and locked the door. Sweeney chuckled. "Women and there sensitivities..." he thought. She looked at her self in the mirror. Her black hair was ratty and everywhere. Her eyes where red and puffy from crying. She removed her clothes and stepped into the bath. Sweeney sat in the parlor. "What do to with Coralline...coriline..." the thought repeated in his head over and over so much that the name... sounded... almost sweet. An excuse, he considered would be easy to make as if "Where had Lady Wotton gone to?" and "What was that noise?" came up. THAT! would be easy but the tricky part.... was WHAT to do with her. Should he kill her? Why not? Its not like he hadn’t slain women before... or the innocent. But, he thought back to the countless times Coralline had gotten him cosutimers... all the ladies with there dresses she would send the men up stairs if she thought need be. He deiced he would spare her....for a time...

END OF CHAPTER ONE

By the time Coralline stepped out of the bath and slipped on her underdress, for it was the only thing that was dry, it was 9:30. She walked out. She entered the kichten. "Where has Lady Wotton gone?" she mudded half to her self. "Lady Wotton has been called away to Paris. Her sister has a chill. She has fled off to her aid, I'm afraid." said Sweeney from behide her. Coralline jumped a little then turned to face him. "Oh... I see..." she walked over to the table and looked at the crystal glass stained red. "My!" Coralline exclaimed, "Never have I seen a wine so bright and... sticky!" she lifted the glass and inspected it. His eyes widend. "That’s because it has gone bad." "Oh dont be silly..." she noticed there was one drop left in the glass. "DONT DRINK THAT!!" He yelled. Coralline froze. Never had she herd him raise his voice before it was terrifying. "Y-y-yes sir..." she said meekly and placed it down. He sighed heavily and threw off his coat. "Your coat is full of holes! Let me sew it back up, I have blue tread." She said and went to the small chest where the tread was held. Sweeney did nothing. He merely watched. She picked up his coat and sat down in the parlor chair by the fire and began to work. He sat on the chair opposite of her. He watched her hands. They flew gracefully with the fabric and needle. He was so intently watching that he jumped when he herd her "What where you drinking Mr. Todd?" "Medicine." Sweeney said blankly. "Medicine for what? You seem perfectly- OUCH!!" She pricked her figure. He looked up at her with a curious glance. "Well you didn’t finish your medicine..." she mudded sucking the blood off her figure. He grunted and stared back into the fire. She sighed and continued to sew the ratty thing for a coat. Thunder crashed. "Looks like its raining again Mr. T" she said. "DONT CALL ME THAT EVER!!" He stormed out of the room. She stared blankly after him. Coralline bent her head down and finished his coat. She hung it up for him. She herd the door of upstairs slam. She sighed. "I didn’t mean...." she mudded to herself.

*Upstairs*

Sweeney Todd slammed the door in rage. He yelled. Then kicked the wall. Again and again. He glanced at his side table. There and then lighting flashed laminating his horrible past. His head began to spin. Sweeney stumbled back. His eyes did not leave the picture frame for it was his most prized posseiton. Lucy and his darling, Johanna, who he knew not where she had gone to. "Lucy...oooh... Lucy..." he fell to his knees. He moaned in agony. Sweeney Todd could feel his neck burn with pain. His vision became blurred with tears of maddenss. Oh how he longed to hold her again!! And his little baby... his sweet baby. He looked to the sky in anger. "Why have you done this to me??!" he cried to know one. Rain began to fall harder.

*Downstairs*

Coralline had looked at the crystal glass in awe. It glowed red... like rubies, as they had remained her of. She lightly touched the glass with her frail figures. She picked it up and gazed at it in the light. How it sang! Oh! How it sang to her! Coralline licked her lips. Curiosity stirred her madly. What was it?? What did it taste like? What does it feel like?! Oh! How she felt like Juliet, about to drink the poison from her lovers lips. Her imagination always was uncontrollable. Coralline lifted the glass to her lips softly. She smelled it. She was taken aback. It smelled like that night.... the night of the burnings in Boston. How that haunted her still. She remembered her mothers face. Burning and flaming her eyes bleeding out as she cried to heaven for answers. Coralline shivered at the thought. Still, she lifted the glass once again. She took a few quick breathes, as if one would to prepare for something. Coralline felt it slide into her throat. What was it she tasted?? She continued to drink...

*Upstairs*
His tears where shed. suddenly he leaped up from his chair. Coralline!! The glass!! Surly she wouldn’t.... she was mostly obedient...mostly. Curious she was more so! Sweeney leaped up and ripped the door open and darted downwards to the shop as quickly as he could.

*Downstairs*
As if a spell was castled, wind blew in. The candles blew out with a shhhh. Coralline drank every drop. She felt dizzy... sick. The darkness she was plunged into began to spin. "Ooooh....what was he drinking....oooh" she moaned. "CORILINE! CORILINE!!" She didn’t hear. Coralline tasted her fingure."B-blood!!?? NO! Not him! Not Mr. Todd!!" she thought. She felt so sick. Screams ripped threw her head. Of hr mother, father and brother. Fire rose up in her mind. She herd her name being called... but it was far away. Coralline moaned. Then... thunder crashed and lighting struck! She fell and glass shattered everywhere. "CORILINE!! CORILINE!!?" She moaned in response. She felt cold hands grab her. "Wake up! Wake up! Coralline!!" she vaguely listened as she tumbled into sweet darkness...

END OF CH 2!

Coralline’s eyes busted open. Her mouth was dry. She was benign shaken... violently. "WAKE UP!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WAKE UP!!" "What???" She shivered. Sweeney stared down at her, anger burned in his eyes. "STOP IT PLEASE!! YOUR HURTING ME!!" She cried out. He stopped shaking her but he did not let go. The room, the whole house, was in darkness. Coralline raised her shaky hands up to her face. Shards of glass where in them. It hurt to move them. "Don’t move." Sweeney said rather firmly. He got up. He walked over to the match box with ease. Oh he was mad! He told her not to drink it! Oh what was she thinking that bitch!! Oh how- he stopped him self. Curiosity gets us all... sometimes. Sweeney lighted a few candles and went up stairs. The young girl was blushing madly. "He... did... he hold me??" Her hands throbbed with pain, but she stayed still. Sweeney returned. He walked over and knelt down next to her. "Listen to me and listen good. I want you to look at me. Nothing else. Just my face not my hands, understand?" Coralline stared blankly. "Well do you understand or not?" "Y-y-yes.." she mudded. "Good." Sweeney drew out his razor blade softly. She started to glance down. "DONT!" She lifted her head back up and nodded. Carefully, he lifted her hand to where he could see. "Wh-whatever your going to do to me.... will it hurt?" She asked, her voice stiffened. "Yes." He replied with no expression in his voice. He remained placed. Coralline longed to remove her hands. She stiffened... scared. He looked at her... trying to be comforting. His figures gently rubbed the palm of her hand. She blushed. "H-h-how bad will it hurt??" She asked. He didn’t answer. Swiftly, the blade kissed her hands. Coralline screamed bloody murder. She trashed. "Hold. Still!! Hold still!" He yelled at her. Thankfully, it was only one hand that needed to be cut open more to remove the glass. Tears burned down her face. "Y-y-you... THAT HURT!!" She cried. "I told you..." he said softly. He put his blade next to him. She looked at it and felt dizzy again. Sweeney carefully held her bleeding hand up to his face and began to remove the shards of glass. For they where in there deeply. She winced and yelped. He ignored her and continued his work. At last the last piece of glass was removed. He left her there for a moment. She felt ashamed for crying in front of him. Sweeney returned with wrapping bandages. He lifted her hand up to his face again to see. Then he started to wrap it up slowly. "I am afraid you aren’t going to be able to sew for awhile, love." he said. She watched him. His face seemed to change to her. Was it... kinder? Coralline dismissed the thought as soon as it entered. At last he was finished. Slowly, he turned her hand over and rubbed the end down so it would stick to her hand. She felt so dizzy... and cold... and a million other things. "There now." he mudded pleased with himself. It had been along time since he had done an act of good. He hoped Lucy would be proud... somehow...

"Thank you..." she said softly. He lightly picked up her frail bandage hand "Don’t mention it..." he whispered and kissed the exposed skin of her hand softly.

END OF CH 3!

Coriline couldn’t think or respond. She just became distant in thought. He got up and blew out the candles and left her alone in darkness. She herd the upstairs door slam and lock. She felt sick... so very sick. Coriline strained her ears to listen. Nothing. That’s all she herd. Repeated nothing. She hated it. Coriline shivered. She disliked being alone... most of the time. She crawled to find a candle. SMACK!! She hit her head on the leg on the table. For hours she just laid there. Curled up and wilted.... like a violet. She remembered seeing violets when she was younger. They were everywhere on the farm she grew up on. They made her happy. They seemed to bring her joy. Why was she thinking of them now? She couldn’t answer. The rain had stopped she noted. Coriline got up and walked outside... or fumbled would be a better word. She breathed in the cold, wet air. She liked it. Coriline tried to find the moon but could only see a few stars. She wished that there were violets. Coriline looked at her hand and startled. "Mr. Todd fixed it..... with his razor?? Ohh surly that wasn’t blood.... I hope not..." She felt her self getting sleepy. She didn’t know the time. Coriline curled up in a ball on the steps. Her own blood slightly dripping from the bandages. She fell asleep almost instantly even on the cold hard ground. She started to forget. Forgetting the cold, forgetting her pain and most importantly, for getting the eyes that would soon gaze at her.

Some streets down walked a boy. He held a bag over his shoulder. He whistled and turned down to Fleet Street. He stopped dead in his tracks. "He...he's dead...now... surly he is..." he saw the shop had been made into a dress and hat shop. He walked on past it. Or... ran past it I should say.
*Upstairs*
Sweeney Todd watched all this from his window. He couldn’t tell who it was. He returned his attention to the figure on the steps. He wondered of her life. "Is she....sleeping. That’s all." He thought. Sweeney sighed and shook his head. He unlocked his door. Then walked down and lifted the lifeless figure. She was very frail. Then he put her on the floor of the parlor next to the remaining burning ambers. He stared at the thing sleeping. Why did he do that? Sweeney shivered at the thought. Suddenly he jumped. He herd a call of a crow. He hated them. His eyes never left the girl. He wished he could sleep... peacefully. He wish he could dream without waking up in terror and rage. He walked over to the table and got some gin. It burned his throat as he drank it. He looked at him self in the reflection of the dirty window. The years haven’t done a thing. He grabbed a candle and went down to the basement. He opened the door. All that was there was a small cot and a blanket, pen and a book. A Book? No. Two books! He walked over to the small little desk. One book was an old battered copy of "Salome." by Oscar Wilde. The other was blank full of writing. Her Diary. He opened it. He read a little. It was just a girls diary. Nothing interesting. Except...
I had the same nightmare again! The bodies kept burning. I herd my mother screaming. Rumors flew around me like.... bees in a honey comb. I just kept running and running and running. The people of the town kept casing me. I ran till I could run no more... Then I am buried alive.
Coriline Rose.

He shivered. What was burning?? Why? Questions filled his mind. Some odd emotion filled him. Sweeney felt as if he had to protect the girl. The walked out of there quickly. He saw her still sleeping. He cursed him self for what he felt. Why did he? "Damn her." He madder and walked up stairs and slammed the door shut.

CH: 5

Coriline awoke in the morning. Dazed but rested. She made her self some food. A small apple and a tea biscuit. “It’s not much…” she said. She shivered when she saw her bandaged hand. She ignored it. Coriline walked down to her room and changed into a simple day dress. She walked back up and over to her sewing table. Coriline desperately tried to sew. “Mr. Todd was right…. It will be awhile before I can sew again.” She sighed. She walked into the bigger work room and looked at the stock of dresses. “Depending on how well these sell and when my hand gets better I can open shop today.” she thought and began to take inventory on the dresses and hats.

Around ten A.M, Coriline opened shop. A few came in to pick up there dresses. After awhile, the boy from the previous night came in. “Excuse me, miss?” he asked. “Yes?” She turned around. He was rather tall, this boy, and skinny, with long dirty brown hair and a bit of stubble on his chin. “Out of curiosity, how long has this shop been here?” he asked and leaned himself on the counter. “Frankly, I don’t know.” she replied. “Oh?” “Yes. You see, I came over from America a few months ago.” Coriline turned around to meet his puzzled expression. “I see.” he said with a sigh of relief. She eyed him closely. “Why do you ask?” she said and sat in a chair. “Well..” he began, still standing. “This shop was around when I was a boy. It was a pie shop at the time… and…” he struggled to continue. Fear was wrapping its cold hands around his brain. “a barber shop as well.” he finished. “Oh! There’s still a barber shop! Did you what a shave?” she said and smiled up at him. “Uhh….umm…No. No. No thank you. Forgive me of asking you this but could you spare some gin?” he asked. “Well let me see…” she got a stool and stood up to reach for one of the dusty cabinet drawers. “Well…” she shifted some old glasses and bottles. “The only gin left here is the barbers upstairs, Mr. Todd’s. I don’t think he’ll mind if a tad bit is gone…” she got off the stool and turned around bottle and glass in hand. He left. “Oh! Well…” she drank it herself. She shivered. “Nasty..” she hiccupped. “Th-th-th- thing!” Her face became rosy and the bun from her hair fell and her hair was now down at her waist. It was her first time trying the stuff. “I’d… -hiccup- better get rid of this before…” she weakly laid the bottle on the table and threw herself down on the couch. Coriline listened to a customer walk up the stairs to the barber shop. It was funny to her as she always herd them go up and then never hear them go back down. She pondered the thought as she said up. Suddenly! She had a plan.

CH 6

Coriline hastily made a pot of tea. She watched it boil eagerly. She saw a little bit of shoe from the customer walking up the stairs. Coriline acted at her chance. She stopped however and waited for the sun to go down. It would be better to sneak and spy at night, she considered. A few costumers came in for there dresses. She did business as usual. Then, something rather strange happened. As she watched the sun set, the tall lanky boy with stubble re-entered. “Back again are we now?” She said almost candidly. “I’d like to apologize for my pervious actions, miss.” the man said. “Oh its quite alright.” she said and smiled. Toby looked her over. She was a beautiful girl. “My..my names Toby.” he said. “Coriline.” she replied. “Now, can I sew your ratty thing of a coat?” “Oh! Umm.. Yes?” he said and laughed. He looked in her eyes along time. Feelings and emotions clouded his mind. His knees grew weak. In that sudden moment… he felt he needed Coriline.

“You can sit in the parlor if you like… you’re my last costumer for the day.” Coriline said and sat down on her chair near the fire. “The company would be nice.” he said. She smiled as he sat down. And so, they exchanged the normal formalities and what nots for conversations. They ended up getting deeply involved on the subject of sailing. A subject in which Toby, knew much about. They talked on and on till the sun had died for the day. She was fascinated with him! He had a gentle nature, an innocence, she remarked. And as all of this went on… Sweeney Todd watched from the shadows, waiting, lurking and an emotion came to him that hadn’t stirred in him since the day he met his darling Lucy… jealously. Envy. He hated the boy even more! How he was charming her!! She was his by god! He gasped at what he thought. His…his… he wanted her for his own. Sweeney desperately tried to ignore the thought of love but it just kept nagging him at the back of his mind…

“It’s a fine night Ms. Coriline!” stated Toby as he got up to leave. He paid Coriline rather well for a sewn coat. “And now I can go on long walks! Care to join me?” He asked. Her heart fluttered. “I would.” she smiled. He held out his arm for her. “A gentle men!” she thought. They walked under one of the few star filled skies in London. “I haven’t seen fermilalir stars in a long time.” remarked Toby dreamily… “Oh..” she said in a daze gazing at his sweetness. He notice her gaze. “Forgive me if I skip over the formalities but…” he knelt in and kissed her softly. She froze not sure what to do. He drew away feeling horrid. She blinked. “Why?” was the only word she could utter. “Love, Coriline. Love.” he replied. Coriline and Toby gazed at each other not believing any of this. Coriline was never one to have such strong feelings for someone that soon. In fact! Now that she recalled it had only happened two times in her life! Now with Toby and…and… she suddenly felt lost, deeply and madly in love but lost. And Sweeney Todd was the other time she remembered feeling an ache in her heart for the both of them. Why? Coriline couldn’t say. Boldly, she returned Toby’s kiss and they remained there for a long while.

Too long for Sweeney Todd. He saw it all from the window of the barber shop. He felt sick and angry. He wanted to kill Tobais now more than ever! And although he did not want to kill, he wanted to tell how he felt for her. In a sence to him at lest… he was killing himself inside. “Coriline… soon you will drip rubies….” he said with tears of a strange mad love cutting into his face. He watched it all… watched, waited and most of all wanted.

Vampires and shit!

2010-01-17T07:56:00.001-08:00

Mood: Neutral
Tunes: "Modern Love" David Bowie

Ok. So I watched some werid ass vampire movie the other night. The Hunger. WEEEEEEEERID! It was awesome but dude.... creepy as hell. Idk what else to right. Bye.

A Sea

2010-01-07T14:28:00.001-08:00

A sea”

Darkness and pain is like an ocean.

My heart lay bleeding, broken.

Sorrow is the rock tied to my feet.

I try to breathe but alas! I have fallen in to deep.

My eyes become wires shut so tight.

All I hear is somber sounds.

Lost lyrics to Joy Division.

The ocean pulls comes over me.

Like a tidal wave.

A rush of fears and terrors and above all horrid pains.

I cut the wires that have become my new set of eyes.

They bleed and laugh at me.

Then I go numb for the water is cold… so very cold.

I mummer my prayer softly as it can be

Love.

Love will tear us apart again.

That’s all I can remember and that is all I hear.

No more emotions do I feel.

Just empty like this vast sea I have made my mind.

So everything else and happiness dies in a deep dark sea.

DA

2010-01-06T11:13:00.000-08:00

Tunes: "This" Brian Eno
Mood: Nervous. Sick.

I have aduitions coming up in three weeks for creative writing at DA. An Art School were I live. I'm so so so so nervous!! What if I don't get in? Well I'll probably end up hating my self. Or maybe I'll get in and I could see my friend Oliva! God what if they, the judges dont like it? Oh!! Its all a bunch of wait if that I am sick to death off. If only I could go forward in time.... No no no! That would be bad. Geez I don't know. I shighed. Well, it'll all turn out how it turns out I guess.

Comeback

2009-12-12T21:21:00.001-08:00

Come back to me and watch me sleep.

Hold me close. Surrender me into a dream.

Hold me for now I am scared.

I need you here.

Protect me.

I am alone.

I hide my self in darkness, waiting for your sullen call.

Please come back to me.

Hold me close and watch me sleep.

Surrender me.

Love me I beg of thy.

Take me into death and love me.

Come back to me

Your Ghoust.... For Robert, J'iame...

2009-11-23T17:41:00.000-08:00

Dreams I am dreaming on somber sands.

They slip threw my pale boney fingured hands.

I think of you with a longing glance and a braking heart...

Tommorrow is the start, of the day before. Another day I pass in pain only wanting you to understand.

To understand my guessing.

In my wildest dreams, I dare hold you close...

Yet, as I wake, I feel your ghoust...

I feel your ghoust. Ever so cold

And I rise from my bed....

I try and pick up my dreams, from the ashes in my hands but everytime I try and graspe it....

It slips away like grains of sand threw my pale and boney hands.

If you slit my heart can I sew it back? CH: 6

2009-11-14T19:09:00.000-08:00

Coriline hastily made a pot of tea. She watched it boil eagerly. She saw a little bit of shoe from the customer walking up the stairs. Coriline acted at her chance. She stopped however and waited for the sun to go down. It would be better to sneak and spy at night, she considered. A few costumers came in for there dresses. She did business as usual. Then, something rather strange happened. As she watched the sun set, the tall lanky boy with stubble re-entered. “Back again are we now?” She said almost candidly. “I’d like to apologize for my pervious actions, miss.” the man said. “Oh its quite alright.” she said and smiled. Toby looked her over. She was a beautiful girl. “My..my names Toby.” he said. “Coriline.” she replied. “Now, can I sew your ratty thing of a coat?” “Oh! Umm.. Yes?” he said and laughed. He looked in her eyes along time. Feelings and emotions clouded his mind. His knees grew weak. In that sudden moment… he felt he needed Coriline.

“You can sit in the parlor if you like… you’re my last costumer for the day.” Coriline said and sat down on her chair near the fire. “The company would be nice.” he said. She smiled as he sat down. And so, they exchanged the normal formalities and what nots for conversations. They ended up getting deeply involved on the subject of sailing. A subject in which Toby, knew much about. They talked on and on till the sun had died for the day. She was fascinated with him! He had a gentle nature, an innocence, she remarked. And as all of this went on… Sweeney Todd watched from the shadows, waiting, lurking and an emotion came to him that hadn’t stirred in him since the day he met his darling Lucy… jealously. Envy. He hated the boy even more! How he was charming her!! She was his by god! He gasped at what he thought. His…his… he wanted her for his own. Sweeney desperately tried to ignore the thought of love but it just kept nagging him at the back of his mind…

“It’s a fine night Ms. Coriline!” stated Toby as he got up to leave. He paid Coriline rather well for a sewn coat. “And now I can go on long walks! Care to join me?” He asked. Her heart fluttered. “I would.” she smiled. He held out his arm for her. “A gentle men!” she thought. They walked under one of the few star filled skies in London. “I haven’t seen fermilalir stars in a long time.” remarked Toby dreamily… “Oh..” she said in a daze gazing at his sweetness. He notice her gaze. “Forgive me if I skip over the formalities but…” he knelt in and kissed her softly. She froze not sure what to do. He drew away feeling horrid. She blinked. “Why?” was the only word she could utter. “Love, Coriline. Love.” he replied. Coriline and Toby gazed at each other not believing any of this. Coriline was never one to have such strong feelings for someone that soon. In fact! Now that she recalled it had only happened two times in her life! Now with Toby and…and… she suddenly felt lost, deeply and madly in love but lost. And Sweeney Todd was the other time she remembered feeling an ache in her heart for the both of them. Why? Coriline couldn’t say. Boldly, she returned Toby’s kiss and they remained there for a long while.

Too long for Sweeney Todd. He saw it all from the window of the barber shop. He felt sick and angry. He wanted to kill Tobais now more than ever! And although he did not want to kill, he wanted to tell how he felt for her. In a sence to him at lest… he was killing himself inside. “Coriline… soon you will drip rubies….” he said with tears of a strange mad love cutting into his face. He watched it all… watched, waited and most of all wanted.

If you slit my heart can I sew it back? CH5 ''A plan in formation''

2009-11-14T18:34:00.000-08:00

Coriline awoke in the morning. Dazed but rested. She made her self some food. A small apple and a tea biscuit. “It’s not much…” she said. She shivered when she saw her bandaged hand. She ignored it. Coriline walked down to her room and changed into a simple day dress. She walked back up and over to her sewing table. Coriline desperately tried to sew. “Mr. Todd was right…. It will be awhile before I can sew again.” She sighed. She walked into the bigger work room and looked at the stock of dresses. “Depending on how well these sell and when my hand gets better I can open shop today.” she thought and began to take inventory on the dresses and hats.

Around ten A.M, Coriline opened shop. A few came in to pick up there dresses. After awhile, the boy from the previous night came in. “Excuse me, miss?” he asked. “Yes?” She turned around. He was rather tall, this boy, and skinny, with long dirty brown hair and a bit of stubble on his chin. “Out of curiosity, how long has this shop been here?” he asked and leaned himself on the counter. “Frankly, I don’t know.” she replied. “Oh?” “Yes. You see, I came over from America a few months ago.” Coriline turned around to meet his puzzled expression. “I see.” he said with a sigh of relief. She eyed him closely. “Why do you ask?” she said and sat in a chair. “Well..” he began, still standing. “This shop was around when I was a boy. It was a pie shop at the time… and…” he struggled to continue. Fear was wrapping its cold hands around his brain. “a barber shop as well.” he finished. “Oh! There’s still a barber shop! Did you what a shave?” she said and smiled up at him. “Uhh….umm…No. No. No thank you. Forgive me of asking you this but could you spare some gin?” he asked. “Well let me see…” she got a stool and stood up to reach for one of the dusty cabinet drawers. “Well…” she shifted some old glasses and bottles. “The only gin left here is the barbers upstairs, Mr. Todd’s. I don’t think he’ll mind if a tad bit is gone…” she got off the stool and turned around bottle and glass in hand. He left. “Oh! Well…” she drank it herself. She shivered. “Nasty..” she hiccupped. “Th-th-th- thing!” Her face became rosy and the bun from her hair fell and her hair was now down at her waist. It was her first time trying the stuff. “I’d… -hiccup- better get rid of this before…” she weakly laid the bottle on the table and threw herself down on the couch. Coriline listened to a customer walk up the stairs to the barber shop. It was funny to her as she always herd them go up and then never hear them go back down. She pondered the thought as she said up. Suddenly! She had a plan.

It'll be over

2009-11-07T20:27:00.001-08:00

It'll all be over....

once I close my eyes.

It'll all be over. I wont have to hide.

Once its over and done with, wont I just die??

Oh will the world be over to?

If we all close our eyes??

What happpens to our selfs when we die?

To we move on?

Or mearly rot away?

This'll all be over once I close my eyes...

Just.. sew them shut.

Halloween what nots

2009-11-07T12:53:00.000-08:00

Mood: Neutral... questioning.
Tunes: "Transmission" by Joy Division

I have mixed feelings for everything now adays it seems. Its strange. I feel like I've changed... maybe I have. Have you notice anything?? Gah! I long for Paris again. I wish it were so. Halloween was wonderfull. :) Nikki was probly the worst Sweeney Todd ever but i loved it anyway. Lol. Here is a picutre of everyone. Ok so... the girl that's choaking me was supposed to be a witch but she fails horribly!XD next to me is Nick. lol. then Melissa then The sciensits. Or Abbey. Lol. (brandi!!) then My friend Shanana i have no idea what shes supposed to be! XD and the guy kneeling down is ManHeels. He's an army man. The end!

The Birth of The Dead Man

2009-11-01T10:26:00.001-08:00

On the night before Hallow's Eve, I lived.

And on that same night, I died.

My love was taken from me.

Yet I know she is safe in her sleep.

It is not the case for me.

Now, I rise again.

I have no grave.

I have no soul.

I am the maker of ends.

Anew I rise! Clad in black I walk as somber as I dare.

I breathe the soft still sick air.

I am to kill them all.

I am a bounty hunter

I am the shadows.

I am the night.

I have but one friend.

And he shall kill with me.

He is the darkness.

He is The Crow

Yet another letter to Oscar Wilde

2009-10-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

Oh! Woe is I!

For I have deeply felt affections which YOU, dear Oscar might find terribly trival and strange.

A coward I am... I seal the affections kissed apon the cold Paris stones on where you now lie.

For have you not said "Every man kills the thing he loves, cowards to it with a kiss, the kindest with a knife for the death soon grow cold".

Ah! If I only had a knife.

Perhaps then and only then would I have pleased you?

As you once stated "Every MAN".

And I mearly ask you this, where doth I, where doth I, good sir, a young woman stand?

Always yours forever and ever more,

Margaret.

Logical?

2009-10-16T10:32:00.001-07:00

Tunes: "Obsticle 1" Interpol
Mood: Meh. Depressed slightly

This is not logical

Stabbing Myself

2009-10-15T12:12:00.001-07:00

Still....ness.
Broken. Like. A. Bride.
I can't breathe.
So. I. Go. Stabbing my self in the neck.

Stabbing. Stabbing. In. The. Neck.
I don't need a tomarrow.
I don't need a christmas.
I need. Still...ness.

I. am. MAD.
So. I'll. Stab. My. Self. In. The. Neck.
Still...ness
Still...ness

Bloodlust.
I feel it. Dripping down from me.
Dripping. From. Me.

Give me stillness.
Give me a cold friend.
I dont like life, Mom.
Go away.
Go away!!!

I. Am. MAD!!!

I...stab...my self in the neck

In the neck.

In the neck...

Stabbing. My. Self. In. The. Neck.

Its Over Now.

2009-10-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

Lights go out
Darkness returns to the sky
Its over now.

The sun droops away and dies.
The stars come out with the sky.
The day is over now.

Band goes off.
Lights go out.
You still wait.
But you know its over now.

The lights are bright they blind my eyes.
Happiness fills me to the bone.
These people are accepting me.
The world turns its back on me, but I dont care.
I know....
The worst is over now.

The worst is over for us now.
Our life-web has been spun... we have lived our simple days.
And we're happy.
Happy.
Because... Our struggles are over now.

One day, the fighting will end. There and then I hope we can all say...
It's over now.

I should just die

2009-10-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

Mood: Depressed... a little angery at myself.
Tunes: "New Dawn Fades" Joy Division

-sigh- I want to die. Why? I dont feel right being alive. I dont feel like I'm ment to be. I feel compeatly numb. Yea it's selfish. But I dont know!! I just dont think the world wants to here me being a whiny little bitch. I wish I could talk to Ian Curtis. Yes. I know he is dead now and has nothing to do with me but it seems like he would understand..... or maybe its because I have a strange (VERY strange) love for him. Like real love.GOD IM SO FUCKED UP!!!!! He writes about all the stuff I feel...... I get all nervous and he makes me cry. I wish he could talk to me.... hold me... -sigh- I dont know what to do. I hate the town I live in. It's nothing but a hick town. Theres nothing.... all I do is get picked on for my belifes. There is no safe place.... I'm gay-hater-meat to all of them. They wont leave me alone. I should just die.

The flowers thoughts

2009-10-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

Flowers they sit in wilted shame of another worldy sin that I can not explain.

They gaze at the pale winter sky and remember fondly of spring....

Spring was long ago.

The leaves they have died. Much to the delight of the crows.

Vilots cry there childish weeps and woes while the farmer picks and plucks them up just so; for his new wifes bonnet.

The black roese wait for there somber end.

To have there brief moments of joy as they laugh bitterly at the lovers end; the funeral.

They laugh! Can you imagen? The white roese share there grif somberly with the preist as they watch life slip away....

How we hold hands

2009-10-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

Mood: Depressed. Well No. Bitter sweet.
Tunes: "Wonderwall" Oasis

Ok. So I'm going to be a whiny little girl. I miss my wonderwall. :( I miss seeing him at school and and having someone to lean on in band class. I miss his messy hair and his dorkness about comic books. I even kind of miss how he made fun of me when I'd try and fix my hair (and fail at fixing btw). I miss going to the bus loop and seeing him there ignoring our redneck friends conversation about something. The thing I miss most of all is.... well. I need to explain something first. Ok so I have this black hoodie and its got thumbholes in it that I made I messed up and now theres a big hole in the wrist area of the jacket. So, he would put his hand threw the wrist hole and his thumb threw my thumb hole. Thats how we hold hands. :) I miss that alot. We did that tons of times in band class. I still see him but its not as often as before. -shigh- I loves him. :( <3

Am I really?

2009-10-02T14:50:00.001-07:00

Mood: In need of adventure.... excitment....
Tunes: "Brick" Ben Folds Five

Ive been reading alot about my horascopes.... I wonder if there really true. Some of the stuff is acterite. But I dont know...

Guilty Pleasure

2009-09-29T16:38:00.001-07:00

Oh! Lovely IT girl your a guilty pleasure of mine!

When you dance wine and roeses cloud my mind.

Your so sweet! Parading in the street.

Ah! So happy you seem, boundless and careless.

Like a chaged bird set free.

Oh! Edie!!! How I love you!

Its hard for me to think of you with out roeses and wine clouding up my mind.

Your eyes are all I ever see... and thats just fine with me.

In my deepest dreams of sin, the feeling of true scarlet love rushes over me as I touch you in my sleep.

Oh Edie.

How I long to touch you in reality.

To be the fool that makes you laugh.

To carese you fondly as the angels shigh about our love!

I know its strange these things we do for our guilty pleasures.

But can you not see how much your very strain of golden hair means to me?!

Oh my darling, life is so crule. For I know I can never be with you.... you would never pick me.

At lest I have you in my deepest fondest sinful sleeps...

My lovely guilty pleasure.

What I am

2009-09-28T13:04:00.001-07:00

What I am is this. I'm a free sprited, morbid, cat-loving, dog hugging, bad speller, lover, fighter, writer, painter, anti-believer, thinker, crazy dreamer, anarchky screamer, messy-haired freak, tree hugger and a god damn dirty smelly good for tree hugging hippie. What are you?

Everytime

2009-09-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

Everytime I look at you, my heart starts to brake.

Everytime I hear you, I curl my toes in affection

When I'm lost I look to you...

When its cold I think of you.

Everytime I see you laugh I feel torn up inside.

You cant notice me.

These feelings you cant see.

I dont want nobody else

Cause baby its you

Baby....

2009-09-27T16:42:00.000-07:00

Mood: Depressed..... hurt and the strongest feeling of love you can imagen
Tunes: "Baby its you" The Beatles

-whimper- why do we dream sweet things? They only leave me in pain.... oh I love him so

Hariley Quinn! just a pic i drew.

2009-09-21T18:31:00.001-07:00

Death and his bride.

2009-09-18T20:24:00.001-07:00

Info: The main charater is myself.. this was a dream I had

She walked slowly. Very very slowly. The grass alight by the moon seemed not to stir. She sighed. Her dress was white. She had flower petals clustered in her hair. They were red, white and black. The girl was lost. The woods around her were filled with eerie tall thin trees. Fog gathered around her feet as she walked. She had no shoes. The lady did not remember anything. Who she was… all she know is that she was alive. Alive… She shook her head. A rustle came from near by. She spun around. Crows and Ravens flew from the darkness into the moonlight as if to warn. She shivered. The girl grew dizzy. She walked on ward. The moon never seemed to move. She liked this. The night was the only time one is free…. Or that’s how she saw it. Suddenly, She stepped on something…cold. She leapt back and her lips parted in a gasp. She dare not look. The fog was to thick now to tell what was what on the ground anyway. She began to go. Something quick and cold like a needle almost grabbed her bare ankle. The scream tried to escape but failed. The thing rose up and shown to be a corpse. “Art thou’ not dead!?” replied the lady. “Though should be dead! Thou’ is….. Thou is death!!” She pained. “Shhh shhh. I will not harm thee. For I only ask one thing of you….” “And what might that be, good sir?” “I ask for a bride!” he began letting go of her ankle. “A bride!? Sir! You are a corpse ment to be among thy dead and I am among thy living! Love is out of the question!” She stated. She felt the nervous edge to her voice. She knew she had seen him before…. He had haunted her sweetly but she dare not think of it. “Please!” he began “Thou art finer than I have seen and in death you see many fine things! You know me and I know you deep down you know… You cannot forget this?” “I…..I…I can not.” she admitted now looking ahead. He rose. “I beg of thee… thou love me.. I know ye. Thy does! Thy must….” Her voice seemed to be robbed from her. He went on. “I have fashioned you a necklace of the brightest moonstone and a crown of black roses.” “A crown? Art thou’ a king!?” “AH! No. Thou art my beloved.” He said with a thin smile on his pale face. “I beg of thee once more! In death it is always night!! You are free! You can speak with ravens and know all the knowledge thou can know in death! You-” “Can you love in death?” He sighed. “Death is the purest form of love my dear.” he said. “I am afraid to be buried…” She said. “I wont let thy be touched by the living!” promised the corpse. “Oh..” she turned to him. “I love thee! I will be thy bride in thy own and we can truly be together!” She cried. He knelt on one knee. “Fairest lady of thy living…” He kissed her hand, then rose. He place the crown of flowers on her head then the necklace around her neck. He kissed her face. “Are we wedded?” She whispered. “No… but soon my love.” he said. “How will I die?” she asked. He produced a dagger. She gasped. “The pain will be grate but I will heal.” he said. She walked closer. He took her in his arms and he kissed her lips softly. She shivered, then gasped loudly. She trembled. Pulling away she grasped the dagger in her dress… and lo! Rubies dripped from her. She fell into the arms of the corpse. Then softly she fell into a gentle kiss and then the sweet cradle of night.

WHY!!

2009-09-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

Mood: In love......despratly
Tunes: "Just Like Heaven" The Cure

I WISH ROBERT SMITH KNEW I WAS ALIVE!!!! -sob- <3 <3 <3 He's so amazing.....

The Week(and End)

2009-09-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

Mood: -shigh- Mondays over at lest
Tunes: "Vampires of New York" Marcy Playground

So, It seems to me that Mondays and Tuesdays are THE worst days and I stress THE WORST, of the week... for me anyway. Mondays are well... Mondays. You just know they suck most of the time, there isnt really a reason WHY but they do. And (this might just be personal prefrence of what sucks) Tuesdays kind of suck because I always feel like in a rut. Stuck. And theres NOTHING to do on Tuesdays. It's all like "YAY! Homework done. Now what? A: Sit on the computer. B: Go outside...?? (psssssht no. And do what? Walk to one end of a boring suberb and back? Right.) C. Same thing as Monday (AKA chocie A.) Yup! Sounds like I want something to do plan." Wensdays are okay because I get out early from School and everything seems chill. Kind of like... "Ok. Its Wenday. Thats Cool." Thursdays can go either way. They usualy end up feeling like a Wensday for me. And friday? Well I dont really feel the need to explain Friday. Saterday is good depending on which house I am at its differnt. (My Parents are split you see..) Sunday is just sunday.

But thats how I see the week. Well.... bacisily it goes like this....

Mon: -Groan-
Tues: -Groan-
Wens: Okay. Its cool.
Thurs: A. -Groan- I want to sleep.... OR B. Its cool.
Friday: HUZZAH!!!!!!!!!!!
Sat: Shweeeeeeeeeet
Sun: Eh. Sunday

Angel of Death (for Ian Curtis)

2009-09-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Why do you look at me this way?

Why cant I look away?

Why do I walk closer....

and you dont run away.

I feel something...

down inside.

Why do i rise to see you, to feel you?

Fear and courrage.

Your lips are black, like your hair.

Kiss me now, angel of death.

Kiss me now and take me to the end

Hold me close...

Dont let me walk away.

I fear love has gripped me now...

getting darker now.

Yet I am not afraid.

Take me to the world of better

Never let me go.

Now we can always be...

I have feelings for you

Robert.

2009-09-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

Tunes: "To Wish Impossible Things" The Cure
Mood: Depressed, longing.

I feel so lost... empty. I miss Robert (he is the ghoust that protects me from something) I have sadly fallen in love.... Sometimes I catch myself dreaming of what might have been. If he were alive or if I were dead. I will tell you about him.

He is tall and skinny. Also pale. (Well... YOU know...) His hair is dark black and crazy. Like Robert Smith hair. His eyes are blackish-grey. He dresses in black from head to toe as well. He has a necklace. It's a round moonstone. Inside of the cirlce stone is an outline of a bird of somekind. He has a doll with a stiched mouth, its white with black button eyes. He has it with him sometimes. He dosnt talk much also. He has grate wings like a raven. I miss him so much. He watches me when I sleep sometimes... I wish I could hug him... I love him so much. -shigh- death is a crule and romantic thing.

Fancy English Wits!

2009-09-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

By Shawna and Margaret.

M: Oh how is the picture going
S: It is going rather well! I think you will much enjoy it.
M: Did you read the periodical last week?
S: I sure did... rather, very thougorly.
M: Well what did you find?
S: I am drawing nothing of consiqunce! You shall see when I am done.
M: Very Well.
M: I quite forgot what I was doing.
S: Well did you? That can quite happen alot. You see, I put it back to the stupidness for todays socitiy.
S: A mirmaid bar opend last week!
M: A BAR FOR MERMAIDS!
S: Anway,My husband rather likes it. He met a lady.
M: Oh no! Sandle!
S: Indeed. He said he had no interest in her. But I quite disagree. Anyway he came home drunk.
M: Oh my
S: Quite.
M: For I am not married! It is most unfashionable these days.
S: That is a shame
M: I take my men in abroad
S: Abroad could be anywhere!
M: Perferibly in Paris.
S: That would be nice.
S: He was drunk years ago. I quite for get the name of the place... he met a man
M: Is the name important?
S: I can not remeber it.
M: Oh my
M: How trivial.
S: I told him dont be such a prick.
M: So unfashonible these days being married.
S: Then he said My eye ball was on fire then he fell back asleep so I went back to bed.
M: It seems married life is just strange questions and sleeping.
S: Yes. Hmm he is quite a gentlemen, except when he's drunk but that only happens very couple of years.
M: Well! I wanted a romantic scandle between you and your husband.
S: Well, a triangle happend years ago..
M: Do tell!
S: We went to a grand tea room. He said he was meeting this other woman. He said he had a son. I then slapped him.
M: OH MY!
S: It couldnt be his child. When the woman saw him she said it couldnt be him! So we left all for the better.
M; Do you know of any music of wich we could carry on a conversation?
S: Hmm coldplay.
M: Why?
S: It is very English.
M: I dont think so at all.
S: Really? Well they are enlgish arnt they?
M: Well yes but you cant really carry on a conversation.
S: Hm. Well then.... it seems that you should pick the music if your so critial.
M: CRITICAL! WELL I NEVER!
S: -shigh- everyones a critic.

Hallow Dream

2009-08-31T14:21:00.000-07:00

Feeling

feeling

feeling.

Burried deep down inside...

A horror of inner emotions,

sometimes I wish I could hide.

An angel of death stares at me...

then devours me from the inside.

Cutting into my felsh...

fits of rage I try to hide.

Love,

love tearing me apart.

Broken promises and emotions,

my heart burns and turns inside.

The water is cold...

turn away...

turn back...

Dont look back!

Not threw that looking glass!!

I try not to slip back into a confusing past....

My respect for love with life has run dry...

torn apart I am again.

Like a peice of paper out apon the open sea...

torn apart I am.

Torn apart I am again.

Torn apart I'll always be....

Drowning in the sarrow....

Drowning in the rain.

Drowning in nothing...

nothing but sadness and pain.

Oh! And Love.

Love....

That word I have herd before,

spoken from a yonder bird.

Blue it was and happy it seemed.

For a mintue I had life! For a second, a dream.

Til I woke and it was shatterd.....

Shatterd.... broken.

Gone.

Glass on the floor.

Wilted flowers lay apon my deadblot door.

I see my breathe when I sleep.

Seeping out of me....

into life and unto death.

Death in love has been my only dream.

For a moment I had life! For a second I had a dream.

Brought to me by somber ravens! In my hallow blood drenched sleep.

The Raven of my dreams was young... the closest thing I could have to a true love

Doth the raven come back again?

Ah! Alas! No!

That is why I weep

A dream I have had (Sweeney Todd related dream..)

2009-08-28T17:05:00.000-07:00

I wonder of my spirt. He watches me. But lately I havent seen him. I wonder often.... I dream of him. I dont know if the dream I am to tell you is about him or he is telling me something but anyway....

I am in a dress. It's white. Simple and flowing. Kind of like a wedding dress. Thats werid for me. Anyway, I am running down a long hall way with twist and turns. I keep getting lost. Suddenly, I am at the top of a long stairway. It seems to go on for ever. I venture down it. It spins downward. I am running. I keep glancing upward. Looking at the marble staircase. The house I am trapped in resembles the one in Edward Scissorhands. I also have a candle in a candle holder lighting my way because it is dark outside. Anyway I am reallyweak from running, I lay down on the staircase witch is freezing also. Suddenly I hear footsteps coming up from downbelow. I sit upright and I freak. There is nowhere to hide. Maybe if I make it back up? I can hide in a room? Perhaps. I forget to grab the candle and dart back up the staircase. The footsteps behide me are getting louder. My head s arts throbbing. I keep looking back. Then I trip. SMACK! I hit hard marble. The footsteps get closer and they slow down. I am really really dizzy. I see boots at my feet. I dont look up for I am afraid. His candle goes out. Now all there is is darkness and a faint moonglow now from the upstairs. Suddenly I am pulled to my feet. I try to scream but nothing happens. He drags me upward I cant see his face. I struggle but he is stronger than me. We are up stairs again. I am dying at this point. We are down a long hall way I have never seen before. Then I am slammed agaisnt the wall "OUCH!!" I yell. There is a razor to my throat. "Scream... and I'll stain your pretty dress..." he whisperd. I whimperd. It was Sweeney Todd. Fear gripped me instantly. He glared at me. Was he mad? I cant read him. I paniced. He relaxed his grip on my sholder....slightly. "What do you want?" I asked....shaking. I guess he could feel it because he smiled knowing that he had power over me for a time. "Tourture is ment to be intended my dear." he said. Tourture??!! I moaned in fear. His hand creeped up to my shoulder blade. He pressed down. Hence, I fainted being one of my pressure points. So blackness consumed me.

When I awoke I was somewhat please to know that I wasnt running anymore. I started to recolet my self. Fear came over me again. "Oh your trembling my dear..." he said. I jumped. He was close. I freaked. I got up from where ever I was. I looked around for him. Of course, he had darken the room.... -shigh- "Mr.Todd?" I automaticly called out and peerd into the darkness. I started to walk....slowly. My knees were shaking. He grabbed me from behide and I was in a coner. I blushed. I could tell my feelings were speeping threw weather i wanted them to or not. He lifted my chin up. I bit my lower lip. He lighty kissed my lips. I freaked. I wanted to kiss him back but he drew away. He walked me over to the chair. I fallowed knowing that Id probly fallow him anywhere now. He pushed me in the chair. He knelt down so he was eye level with me. He moved my hair away from my neck and he kissed it. "I love you..." he began and kissed me again. "And that is why you must die." The truth came. I knew he can not love for if he did it would be the end of him. And I'd rather be it the end of me than him. Tears sprang into my eyes anyway. He shighed and drew his razor. "If I fight back.... dont let me win." I said. "You are brave...and beutiful and like all things, beutiful things die in the most tragic ways." he said. I looked up at him. I trembled. Looking into the facedeath only to realize it is someone you love deeper than you care to admit is a scary thing. I closed my eyes and waited for that cold sting. Instead or prier to, a kiss was given. It was beutiful and emotional. We drew apart. He kissed my neck once more than he lifted his razor slightly and lightly cut my neck slightly enough to bleed but not to die. "Perhaps this is not the end." Why did I have hope in this time? I do not know nor can I explain. So he drank from me. I stiffend afraid. "Dont kill me please...." I begged. "No. No. Never." he drew in the razor deeper. I yelped. It hurt so bad. He seemed to be draining from me. Perhaps me liked the taste? I was slipping into darkness but it was not death!! Only sleep... He drew me into his arms and I fainted.

Then I awoke.

All the voices blur....

2009-08-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

All the voices blur....

All the voices cry...

I can not save them.

They are the end of me....

No. I am wrong.

He is the end of me....

A love I have never met only barly seen... in a differnt world.

I dream, sometimes.....

Paranoid. I am being watched. I know.

I can feel it.... deep within the hallow grave of which my heart lies.

All the voices blur

They tell me things...

The one that tells me sweet nothings I have grown fond of.

I pretend it is him.....

Only to wake in the morning.

I dream sometimes....

Eyes at my window.

Someone pushes me.

I fall; Dont look up damn you!

I look up.

Does death look beutiful?

The man before me is cold and pale.

Death plays about him.

I yearn.....

just for a whisper....

of nothing but something sweet.

Sometimes I dreaming.....

So many eyes!

So many voices...

I cry confused.

Tears.

Voices....

"Die..."

All the voices blur...

Sucuidal thoughts (written at 12)

2009-08-21T19:26:00.001-07:00

"suicidal thoughts" 3/7/07" "Weve all got guns bring your friends" I herd you say. Click. next track. I listen tapping my foot. I miss you....more than anything or feeling.... I take out a knife pull up my jacket sleeve and i jump into the water. I here the opening chords to come as you are. I open my eyes. My feet hang in the air as i sink down, the water hurts my eyes. "No I dont have a gun, no i dont have a gun" Click. Trigger pulled back. I cant see. I cant move. The cold water holds me still. "I swear I dont have a gun" I turned. Dizzy dizzy losing breath, "I'll lock my lips to yours a passinote kiss from my mouth to yours" I could hear you even though you only stared. You had done as promised. Your hand grasped my tie. You pulled. I was choaking. You made me hold the gun to your sweet head. Gave me a wink, bang bang shot your self dead, let your lips still hold mine. My eyes blurred from water and blood. I picked up the blade in my wet hand. Slit my wrist grabbed the gun, Bang. My hand over your pretty cold fingures that held my tie and stole the rest of my breath. I held your hand. Cocked it back. Inhailed the blood and water that became my wine. Bang. Bang. Sliver bullett threw my head: blood mixed with yours. My last words? Hello Whatever Nevermind.

What will burn? for my self and Ian Curtis

2009-08-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

These feeling I cant help but hide

These feelings I feel deep down inside me

Cut at my soul and come out threw my eyes

This feeling I'm feeling is stronger....

Stronger than the rest....

thoughts of sucidie and self mutilation flash threw my mind and progress.

What will burn.....

Heart and Soul

What will burn?

Daring and romantic is death

even more so than physical actration to my mind

Heart and soul....

it will burn

The knife on the tabel is shinning

But I dont want to die like that

Heart and soul

what will burn?

This feeling i feel down within me

I have to hide at all times

these feelings of perminate mourning.... and a thousand thoughts of sucides

Heart

and

Soul

What will burn?

Eaten

2009-08-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

It chews at the inside of me

My soul.....

My heart has been raped. NO! Willinly given

To what?

A lost cause.....

Hopless I feel

The feeling chews at me

Biting.

Iching.

Burning.

Hungery.

Love is crule.....

In sarrow I am

In sarrow will be thy tomarrow

In love I am in

With someone I havent truly seen

His words I hear but alas!

They are not ment to be....

To fall in your arms!!

To been seen in your eyes!

One kiss then I could die....

One kiss and I'll leave you alone

To be as deep in your heart as you are mine!

Love could be sweet and divine!

If only Id thought of the right words...

I'd be in the picture with you.....

Weeping

2009-08-04T20:29:00.001-07:00

I know you didnt see me....

I know you dont care...

I wont let you look at me I wont let you look at me

I tried to make you happy

I tried to make you care

I tried to make you pretty

I tried to make you fair

But I was left weeping

weeping on the stairs

I know you didnt see me

I know you didnt see me THERE

Now I know you for sure you wont see me

Now I'm sure you still wont care

I'm left curled up on the floor

Dying

Dying

Dying.....

Dying....

In my dresser door

Now you wont see me weeping anymore

yes

now you wont see me

weeping anymore

I always love you

2009-08-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

Trapped in your eyes I long to be, to kiss your lips would be a scream! To touch your face would surly put me out of place.... I am always reminded of how much I think of you. You leave me haunted then I know, thats all i ever wanted. To be haunted by your name. Oh I will always love you

I miss my wonderwall!

2009-07-31T20:55:00.000-07:00

Mood: sulking
Tunes: Champaine Supernova Oasis

-shigh- It seems I miss people more and more as summer wanes. Never do I know WHY..... -shigh- I miss Nikki

Sometimes

2009-07-26T14:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel alone,

Sometimes I feel like I could die,

Its really hard you know

Its hard to hang on

Dosnt everybody hurt? Dosnt everyone cry?

Sometimes I want to fly

Sometimes I want to get high

Other days I just want to be left alone to cry

I hate it when people see me cry

I cant let them see...

Dosnt everybody hurt? Dosnt everyone want to die sometimes?

But I'm scared!

I'm afraid...

I feel all alone,

Dosnt everybody hurt?

Dosnt everybody cry?

Do we all feel alone... sometimes?

I guess.....

Everybody hurts sometimes.

If you slit my heart can I sew it back? CH 4 "A cold awakening"

2009-07-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

Coriline couldnt think or repsond. She just became distant in thought. He got up and blew out the candles and left her alone in darkness. She herd the uptairs door slam and lock. She felt sick... so very sick. Coriline strained her ears to listen. Nothing. Thats all she herd. Repeated nothing. She hated it. Coriline shiverd. She disliked being alone... most of the time. She crawled to find a candle. SMACK!! She hit her head on the leg on the table. For hours she just laid there. Curled up and wilted.... like a vilot. She rememberd seeing vilots when she was younger. They were everywhere on the farm she grew up on. They made her happy. They seemed to bring her joy. Why was she thinking of them now? She couldnt answer. The rain had stopped she noted. Coriline got up and walked outside... or fumbled would be a better word. She breathed in the cold, wet air. She liked it. Coriline tried to find the moon but could only see a few stars. She wished that there were vilots. Coriline looked at her hand and startled. "Mr. Todd fixed it..... with his razor?? Ohh surly that wasnt blood.... I hope not..." She felt her self getting sleepy. She didnt know the time. Coriline curled up in a ball on the steps. Her own blood slightly dripping from the bandages. She fell asleep almost instantly even on the cold hard growned. She started to forget. Forgetting the cold, forgetting her pain and most importantly, for getting the eyes that would soon gazed at her.

Some streets down walked a boy. He held a bag over his sholder. He whistled and turned down to Fleet Street. He stopped dead in his tracks. "He...he's dead...now... surly he is..." he saw the shop had been made into a dress and hat shop. He walked on past it. Or... ran past it I should say.
*Upstairs*
Sweeney Todd watched all this from his window. He couldnt tell who it was. He returned his attention to the figure on the steps. He wonderd of her life. "Is she....sleeping. Thats all." He thought. Sweeney sighed and shook his head. He unlocked his door. Then walked down and lifted the lifeless figure. She was very frail. Then he put her on the floor of the parlor next to the remaining burning ambers. He staired at the thing sleeping. Why did he do that? Sweeney shiverd at the tought. Suddenly he jumped. He herd a call of a crow. He hated them. His eyes never left the girl. He wished he could sleep... peacefuly. He wish he could dream without waking up in terror and rage. He walked over to the tabel and got some gin. It burned his throat as he drank it. He looked at him self in the reflection of the dirty window. The years havent done a thing. He grabbed a candle and went down to the basement. He opened the door. All that was there was a small cot and a blanket, pen and a book. A Book? No. Two books! He walked over to the small little desk. One book was an old batterd copy of "Salome." by Oscar Wilde. The other was blank full of writing. Her Diary. He opened it. He read a little. It was just a girls diary. Nothing interesting. Except...
I had the same nightmare again! The bodies kept burning. I herd my mother screaming. Rumors flew around me like.... bees in a honey comb. I just kept running and running and running. The people of the town kept casing me. I ran till I could run no more... Then I am burried alive.
Coriline Rose.

He shiverd. What was burning?? Why? Questions filled his mind. Some odd emotion filled him. Sweeney felt as if he had to protect the girl. The walked out of there quickly. He saw her still sleeping. He cursed him self for what he felt. Why did he? "Damn her." He mudderd and walked up stairs and slammed the door shut.

There is a moon There is a human

2009-07-24T19:40:00.001-07:00

There is a moon, there in the sky. I look at it and it looks at me. And so goes the dance of curiosity. I stare at it and it at me. I feel to wonder if it could understand these human eyes that grow hugery for something.

There is a human, deep down below. On a lighted up world, that I can not go. I look at it and it looks at me.... And so goes the dance of curiosity. What is that? That thing in its skull... it blinks! It moves!

Moon why are you far? Moon why are you sad? Do you feel emotions? Can we not be lovers in a sky of vast space songs? To dance in the cloak of shadowed clouds to run away from the sun, together moon! You and I and I and you! Let us dance together moon.

Human why are you so far? What is that line apoun your face fallen down? Is it what you call sad? What you call a frown? You remind me of a shaodw. A shadow made by clouds. That hide me when I'm scared and I dont want to come out! Let us dance together human! Hide me from the sun...

Hide me from the sun, Moon. Please dont run!

Goodbye human for a day... I'll be back but I can never stay...

And so there was a moon...

Tonight

2009-07-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight I feel lost, tonight I feel alone, tonight I am in love. Tonight I am lost, tonight will I be found? Will I stop chasing shadows of grace? Will I keep away from things that hurt me most? Will someone hold me close? Tonight I am lonely. Tonight I dream. Tonight I hold a picture, this picture of you. Tonight I am in love.... so much that it hurts. Tonight I am alone with my picture of you. What about tomarrow?

If you slit my heart can I sew it back? CH: 3 "I told you..."

2009-07-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

Coriline's eyes bursted open. Her mouth was dry. She was beening shaken... viloently. "WAKE UP!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WAKE UP!!" "What???" She shiverd. Sweeney staried down at her, anger bruned in his eyes. "STOP IT PLEASE!! YOUR HURTING ME!!" She cried out. He stopped shaking her but he did not let go. The room, the whole house, was in darkness. Coriline rasied her shakey hands up to her face. Shards of glass where in them. It hurt to move them. "Dont move." Sweeney said rather firmly. He got up. He walked over to the match box with ease. Oh he was mad! He told her not to drink it! Oh what was she thinking that bitch!! Oh how- he stopped him self. Curriosity gets us all... sometimes. Sweeney lighted a few candles and went up stairs. The young girl was blushing madly. "He... did... he hold me??" Her hands throbbed with pain, but she stayed still. Sweeney returned. He walked over and knelt down next to her. "Listen to me and listen good. I want you to look at me. Nothing else. Just my face not my hands, understand?" Coriline stared blankly. "Well do you understand or not?" "Y-y-yes.." she mudderd. "Good." Sweeney drew out his razor blade softly. She started to glance down. "DONT!" She lifted her head back up and nodded. Carefully, he lifted her hand to where he could see. "Wh-whatever your going to do to me.... will it hurt?" She asked, her voice stiffend. "Yes." He replied with no expression in his voice. He remained plaiced. Coriline longed to remove her hands. She stiffend... scared. He looked at her... trying to be comforting. His fingures gently rubbed the palm of her hand. She blushed. "H-h-how bad will it hurt??" She asked. He didnt answer. Swiftly, the blade kissed her hands. Coriline screamed bloody murder. She trashed. "Hold..still!! Hold still!" He yelled at her. Thankfully, it was only one hand that needed to be cut open more to remove the glass. Tears burned down her face. "Y-y-you... THAT HURT!!" She cried. "I told you..." he said softly. He put his blade next to him. She looked at it and felt dizzy again. Sweeney carefully held her bleeding hand up to his face and began to remove the shards of glass. For they where in there deeply. She winced and yelped. He ignorned her and continued his work. At last the last peice of glass was removed. He left her there for a moment. She felt ashamed for crying in front of him. Sweeney returned with wrapping bandages. He lifted her hand up to his face again to see. Then he started to wrap it up slowly. "I am afriad you arnt going to be alble to sew for awhile, love." he said. She watched him. His face seemed to change to her. Was it... kinder? Coriline dismissed the thought as soon as it enterd. At last he was finished. Slowly, he turned her hand over and rubbed the end down so it would stick to her hand. She felt so dizzy... and cold... and a million other things. "There now." he mudderd pleased with himself. It had been along time sence he had done an act of good. He hoped Lucy would be proud... somehow...

"Thank you..." she said softly. He lightly picked up her frail bandage hand "Dont mention it..." he whisperd and kissed the exposed skin of her hand softly.

END OF CH 3!

If you slit my heart can I sew it back CH: 2 "What are you drinking!!??"

2009-07-21T17:36:00.000-07:00

By the time Coriline stepped out of the bath and slipped on her underdress, for it was the only thing that was dry, it was 9:30. She walked out. She enterd the kichten. "Where has Lady Wotton gone?" she mudderd half to her self. "Lady Wotton has been called away to Paris. Her sister has a chill. She has fled off to her aid, I'm afraid." said Sweeney from behide her. Coriline jumped a little then turned to face him. "Oh... I see..." she walked over to the tabel and looked at the crystal glass stained red. "My!" Coriline exclaimed, "Never have I seen a wine so bright and... sticky!" she lifted the glass and inspected it. His eyes widend. "Thats because it has gone bad." "Oh dont be silly..." she noticed there was one drop left in the glass. "DONT DRINK THAT!!" He yelled. Coriline froze. Never had she herd him raise his voice before it was terrifying. "Y-y-yes sir..." she said meekly and placed it down. He shighed heavily and threw off his coat. "Your coat is full of holes! Let me sew it back up, I have blue tread." She said and went to the small chest where the tread was held. Sweeney did nothing. He mearly watched. She picked up his coat and sat down in the parlor chair by the fire and began to work. He sat on the chair oppisite of her. He watched her hands. They flew gracefully with the fabric and needle. He was so intently watching that he jumped when he herd her "What where you drinking Mr.Todd?" "Medicine." Sweeney said blankly. "Medicine for what? You seem perfectly- OUCH!!" She pricked her fingure. He looked up at her with a curious glance. "Well you didnt finish your medicine..." she mudderd sucking the blood off her fingure. He grunted and staired back into the fire. She shighed and continued to sew the ratty thing for a coat. Thunder crashed. "Looks like its raining again Mr.T" she said. "DONT CALL ME THAT EVER!!" He stormed out of the room. She stared blankly after him. Coriline bent her head down and finished his coat. She hung it up for him. She herd the door of upstairs slam. She shighed. "I didnt mean...." she mudderd to herself.

*Upstairs*

Sweeney Todd slammed the door in rage. He yelled. Then kicked the wall. Again and again. He glanced at his side tabel. There and then lighting flashed luminating his horrible past. His head began to spin. Sweeney stumbled back. His eyes did not leave the picture frame for it was his most prized posseiton. Lucy and his darling, Johanna, who he knew not where she had gone to. "Lucy...oooh... Lucy..." he fell to his knees. He moaned in agongy. Sweeney Todd could feel his neck burn with pain. His vision became blurred with tears of maddenss. Oh how he longed to hold her again!! And his little baby... his sweet baby.He looked to the sky in anger. "Why have you done this to me??!" he cried to know one. Rain began to fall harder.

*Downstairs*

Coriline had looked at the crystal glass in awe. It glowed red... like rubies, as they had remined her of. She lightly touched the glass with her frail fingures. She picked it up and gazed at it in the light. How it sang! Oh! How it sang to her! Coriline licked her lips. Curriosity stirred her madly. What was it?? What did it taste like? What does it feel like?! Oh! How she felt like Juliet, about to drink the poison from her lovers lips. Her imagination always was uncontrolible. Coriline lifted the glass to her lips softly. She smelled it. She was taken aback. It smelled like that night.... the night of the burnings in Boston. How that haunted her still. She remebered her mothers face. Burning and flaming her eyes bleeding out as she cried to heaven for answers. Coriline shiverd at the thought. Still, she lifted the glass once again. She took a few quick breathes, as if one would to prepare for something. Coriline felt it slide into her throat. What was it she tasted?? She continued to drink...

*Upstairs*
His tears where shed. suddenly he leaped up from his chair. Coriline!! The glass!! Surly she wouldnt.... she was mostly obbeadiant...mostly. Curious she was more so! Sweeney leaped up and ripped the door open and darted downwards to the shop as quickly as he could.

*Downstairs*
As if a spell was casted, wind blew in. The candels blew out with a shhhh. Coriline drank every drop. She felt dizzy... sick. The darkness she was plunged into began to spin. "Ooooh....what was he drinking....oooh" she moaned. "CORILINE! CORILINE!!" She didnt hear. Coriline tasted her fingure."B-blood!!?? NO! Not him! Not Mr. Todd!!" she thought. She felt so sick. Screams ripped threw her head. Of her mother, father and brother. Fire rose up in her mind. She herd her name being called... but it was far away. Coriline moaned. Then... thunder crashed and lighting struck! She fell and glass shatterd everywhere. "CORILINE!! CORILINE!!?" She moaned in respons. She felt cold hands grab her. "Wake up! Wake up! Coriline!!" she vaguly listened as she tumbled into sweet darkness...

END OF CH 2!

My love <3

2009-07-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

Mood: Happy a little sad, but happy
tunes: "My Love" Paul McCartney <3 <3

Paulie and Linda forever and ever!!!!! <3 God, when he played this I started crying and he was crying too. It was so sweet. I know he still loves her. Oh! How I hope there is a heaven for when Paul's time comes... that he can be with Linda agian. I wish that more than anything!! For him to be with John George and Linda! How Lovly that would be.

I saw Nikki today!! <3 It was nice. :D He eated me. lol. Then we spaced out to pink floyd. :) Today was a good day.

If you slit my heart can I sew it back? CH: 1 "The Death Of Lady Wotton"

2009-07-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

"Mr. Todd sir?" Coriline stammard out. Never in all of her 18 years has her curitosity sir her as much as this! She was a taylors apperentice. She lived in a basement under Mrs. Lady Wotton Taylor shop on Fleet Street in London. She came across from Boston to flee from her familys past. They where all hung from witch craft. The man did not speak. A barber lived up stairs and seldome came down. "Mr. T-todd?" She said a little louder. The man turned to look at her. His expression remained the same; somber. "I... I know you dont like to be disturbed in your work but... but I made you tea." She said softly and held out a cup and sauser for him. He glacned at her, then her slightly shaking hand. "Thank you, love." he said barly adudible. She nodded and placed it on the tabel and feeling her self go pink... she left. Coriline walked down the stairs to the small little work room to mend a dress. "He certainly is hansome.... No wonder he charms Lady Wotton so easily!! Oh stop thinking of such things! Your here to sirvive not love.... not yet anyway." She thought. "OUCH!!" She pricked her fingure on the sewing needle.... again...
* Upstairs in The Baber Shop *
Sweeney Todd sat in his barber chair. He gazed out at the rainy world that London gave him, sorrowfully. His neck itched. He gritted his teeth in pain and strached around the scar he had recvied from a little boy, so many years ago. Sometimes, the urge to kill would grip him so hard along with this pain that.... he acted on it. Sweeney Todd vowed to find said boy, he now assumed a man, and drag him threw hell! He knew he was to die someday but it was NOT going to be by the hands of a Orphan boy! And when, Sweeney did in fact die, as we all disirve to do, he would quitly go back to hell. There was no hope for him pleading with God. He begged no one. He knew his hope was gone. He glanced over at his tabel. The tea! He walked over to it and sipped it gratefuly. "The girl is sweet but curious..." he thought " perhaps to curious" he finished aloud. He sat down again and began to clean his razors.
*Down stairs*
"Are you finished with thoes dresses!?" snaped Mrs. Lady Wotton coming in from shopping. "Three of them, Auntie... I mean Lady Wotton." Coriline mudderd. "DONT CALL ME AUNTIE!! I am ashamed to be related to you! But in anycase, how many did I give you to finish?" She said. "Four Lady Wotton." Coriline replied not meeting the fat frogs gaze. "I see what of the forth, Coriline?" "It couldnt be finished. We ran out of red thread today when I finished the order for The Duke Of Lexington, Lady Wotton." She repliled holidng her tounge. "Well then go out to the market and get some thread child! Use your head you useless thing!!" She snapped. "But its raining!! And I have no umbrella or money to buy one!" Coriline protested. "No buts! Out!" Lady Wotton hissed. Her fat neck jiggled when she yelled. "Y-yes ma'me." Coriline mudderd and marched out into Londons cold and bitter rain. Sweeney saw her go out. He felt no pitty or sympthy, but an old emotion stired inside him. He grew dizzy. He threw himself down in the chair and was soon lost in thought.

Coriline quickly became utterly lost. Rain fell down in sheets. She walked blindly. Anger filled her. At last! She reached the tread shop only to find it was close. "That Ol' bitch!" she mudderd. She continued to curse like a salior and tried to find her way back threw wind and rain. Coriline wanderd off blindly. Her long black hair getting in the way... She cursed her self as she felt hot tears of fustraiton burn down her face.

Sweeney woke with a start. His nightmare was his only dream. He felt angery, hungery for blood shed and screams. He began to see flashes of red in his vision. His snake like tounge licked his lips. "Tonight someone will die by the hands of Sweeney Todd!!" He thought with a mad pleasure. "Soon..." he drew out his razor, "You shall drip rubies, my love, perisous rubies..." he sang softly and got up. Excitied he went down stairs to find a victum...

Lady Wotton ate her dinner and looked by the fire. "The store is closed, Ma'me.." said a dripping wet cold and hungery Coriline. "Well that is not my concerine! Until you finish that dress..." she pointed to the half sew dress in the concer. "You shall be locked in the basement!" "Lady Wotton, honestly!! How can I finish a dress when we have no thread, and it is terribly dark down there. Why it isnt even light enough to see praticly let alone finish a dress!" Coriline exclaimed. "Didnt your mother teach you to hold your tounge!!??" Lady Wotton stood and garbbed her wrist. "Oww!!..." She struggled. "L-let me go you ol' hag!!" Lady Wotton slapped her. "YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILD!!" She then pushed her into the darkness that was the basement and locked the door. Coriline hit the floor and laid there in a daze. Sweeney herd all this and waited to here the door lock then, he entered. "Why! Lady Wotton! Never have I seen a lovly her face! Your red as a rose my dear!" he said. "Oh... why Mr. Todd, please!!" She giggled and batted her eyelashes in an attempted to be attraitve. But alas! She had grown old and fat, her youth had left her. Coriline jumped up when she herd his voice. "Maybe Mr. Todd will let me out!!" She blushed and she felt it. "Oooh... I already have been apon these strange shores for a month and I am fasinatied....with a man no less..." She shook it off and pressed her ear a agaisnt the door to listen. Of all the things one could think about being locked in a dark basement, she thought about how she looked! Why if Mr. Todd where to open the door!! She dreaded the thought more than she dreaded death.

"My dear Lady Wotton, may I have the honor to kiss your lovly cheek?" Sweeney asked with a good air of nobility. He was always good at lying... to women in particular. "WHAT!!??" Coriline coverd her mouth. "Oooh Mr. Todd, that would most please me." giggled Lady Wotton and she snroted she had giggled so much. Sweeney Todd acted quickly. He lead in as if to kiss her then he grabbed her neck and pulled her head back and held her there, then with his free hand he produced a razor. "wh..WHAT!!?" The old frog croaked. He lifted his razor high. He felt it shine. A mad smile curved apon his lips. "Y-your Mad!!" She croaked but it was drowned out by a hiddous gurrgling sound. Blood sprayed everywhere. The gurrgling and gushing hid his mad laughing and slashes. Soon.... when he felt satisfited, he stoped. "What was that!?" Coriline thought then her mind responded. "She's probly just clogged the sink or something..."

Sweeney walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a crystal glass. He turned it around and looked at his blood coverd relefction. He walked over to the victume and tilted its head down so the blood could drip. It oozed down slowly.. like a whisper one gives to there lover. Soon enough it filled the glass. He lifted it up and let the body slump over. He smiled slyly at the thought of never tasting blood. He swirled the liquied in its crystal like it was a fine glass of wine. He smiled to him self. Then he gently kissed the rim of the glass to his lips. He drank every drop. And he drank the last few drops with pleasure knowing that he could easily convince Coriline that all she herd was a clogged drain and Lady Wotton had gone away.

Days seem to pass (in reality only a few hours) for Coriline. "LET ME OUT!! PLEASED!!" She pounded against the door. He ignored her muffled cries. The body!! He quickly lifted the fat thing and dragged
her to the docks. He had to take the long way in odrder not to be seen. He quickly disposed of it. He quickly went back to the shop. He darted into the palor. There, was a lose strip of wall paper. Sweeney pulled it back it held two keys, one for the shop and the other for the basement. He locked the shop door then went to wash him self. He shighed wishing he could have disposed of it like he used to. Drag her to the chair, hit the pedal down the basement door and let her rot.

Coriline herd a door slam and foot steps. She banged on the door again and again. She was cold... so very cold. Suddenly, light flooded the room. "Wha... How long have I been down hear??" She said. She had to close her eyes for the light hurt. "A few hours I should guess, Miss Coriline." It was Mr. Todd. Coriline looked at him blushing. "I..i...oh... exucse me...I must wash my self!!" She hurried up the steps and darted into the bathroom and locked the door. Sweeney chuckled. "Women and there senitivites..." he thought. She looked at her self in the marrior. Her black hair was ratty and everywhere. Her eyes where red and puffy from crying. She removed her clothes and steped into the bath. Sweeney sat in the parlor. "What do to with Coriline...coriline..." the thought repeated in his head over and over so much that the name... sounded... almost sweet. An excuse, he considered would be easy to make as if "Where had Lady Wotton gone to?" and "What was that noise?" came up. THAT! would be easy but the tricky.... was WHAT to do with her. Should he kill her? Why not? Its not like he hant slain women before... or the innocent. But, he thought back to the countless times Coriline had gotten him cosutimers... all the ladys with there dresses she would send the men up stairs if she thought need be. He decied he would spare her....for a time...

END OF CHAPTER ONE!

I want to

2009-07-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

Mood: restless
tunes: "Sway" The Rolling Stones

I want to get so high and so drunk I'm like Keith Richards!!! Then I want to lose my verginity to a rock star. I know I have probelms but all day I've wanted to smoke and drink!! I dont know whats up with me!! I guess when ever I feel lonely I get like this... hungery for sin. Shit if I could I'd go out right now and get wasted. The night calls to me.... god I feel like a slut. I'm not trying to get screwed or anything I just wanna get wasted! I dont know.... I want to feel alive! I want to get so high. I want to do all the sins and make up new ones! The night laughs and lives without me... something and someones out there! Stuff is out there! Life is out there! Freedom is out there! I got my heartbroken today. So this SUPER HOTT girl on the subway was just standing there her blonde hair down to her shoulders and her black hat stood atop it. She was like Marilyn Monroe <3 So, I give her a wink, because my mom anit looking. She returns the jesture with a little pucker of her ruby red lips. I smile. She nods.... and turns to her boyfriend. BANG! I stumbled off... akward. (Srry Nikki.... couldnt help it she was yummy) Then mom wouldnt shut up about stuff and I just wanted to be alone. I wish I didnt feel like this.... Im just cought in a Sway. Thank you Keith Richards for being my sexy ear candy. <3

Never

2009-07-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

Mood: sad.... but kind of happy at the same time?
Tunes: "Wonderwall" Oasis.

The concert last night was amazing. I cried.

But, to the present.

I'm sad. I miss Nick alot.... its kind of sappy, and stupid... grr. Just... everywhere I go I find something of him somewhere. Christ I miss my hoodie.... I feel exposed... raped in a sence of my secerts. Clouds make me think of him. Perhaps I think to much... or to little. God love is a bitch. I feel happy, happy for the experiances I went threw but at the same time empty. Its probly because I havent been taking my pills.... I hate thoes with every fiber of my being, I have no idea if they work or not. Mom says I've gotten better. Hm. She hasnt seen my head. And she never will. I should stop listening to Oasis.... I really should. But I cant. Relationships are werid. And Maybe your gonna be the one that saves me... Its werid how we connect, people in general to certain things. Oh I wish I couldnt see clouds.... not now. Not with out Nikki anyway. We always look at clouds together. Or we end up doing that anyway...til Tanner comes and ruins it. Bastard. Oh well. Idk why i am typing so much. I guess I'm just bitchy today. Backbeat word is one the street that the fire in your heart is out.... I dont believe that anybody feels the way I do about you know. Ughhhhhhhhh. I just want to go in a coner and die for a while. Or just be alone. No. That would be bad. That would be really bad. I think moms mad at me that I have a relationship of some sort. Shes overly protecting. God mom keeps messing with my hair. STOP TOUCHING ME!!! I dont liked to be touched most of the time. Sometimes I do but most of the time not. I wish she wouldnt ask me what I'm doing every 30 seconds. Today was going to be the day that they were gonna throw me back to you, by now you should have realized what not to do... Maybe I should have. Sence... there is blood on my jeans now. -shigh- Stupid me. Stupid stupid me. Self murder. I should go clean these up. I'm taking my Mp3 with me today. So I can drown myself in my fanistys and sarrows -shigh- I will be the end of my self one day...

I know

2009-07-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

I know I heard your voice... so so long ago. Now here I stand and I crowd to glance at you, dont matter if I fall. So I say "I love you" in that soft kind of way. You smile at me and nod if understood. I point again. You nod again. I gaze at you happily as if you had chosen me. Then a cord you play, a memory dug up. Then I remember, sadly, I have to move on. I feel your eyes apoun my head, its all you can see, then and there do you remind me.... you'll only drag me down. I know you wander, and damn I know you wander far, so as the stars come out. You made me cry... you made my body cold as stone. You make me happy as a song bird. There and then, that bitter sweet memory, that cord you play, that tune you hum, and that line I felt you called to me... "It aint' me, babe."

A formal letter to Mr. Wilde

2009-07-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

Dearest Oscar Finn. Wilde,

Oh! Is it not a poet I have herd? For I have only read! You are a poet I havent seen, for when I met you you where in your death bed. It was coverd in lip stick kisses, from your foot to your head. You were cold and made of stone yet, your heart still glows! Fairwell dearest Oscar, I read you now, and I read you when I'm dead.

I miss you Joey Ramone

2009-07-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Joey,

Hi. I miss you... alot of us do. I think I miss you most from my friends though. Are you okay? Can you still see tomarrow and today? I know you wernt burried in a pet semitary. Why did you leave? Why did you die!?? I'll be mad at you forever. Yet, I still love you anyway. So I sink my very soul. It wasnt ment to be I know. Still, there is a glimmer in my eye... something of hope. Is it true? About what you said? Does everyone really have a poison heart? I do.... for you at lest...

The God of Nothing.

2009-07-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

Who here beleives in you? Who here beleives in me? Who dare beleive in a immortal man by the likes of which we havent seen? Who here kneels down and prasies him on your old and bloody knees? You beg for forgiveness, when there was no crime! Do you mean to sit and listen, or just sit and pass the time? Sunday morning rolls around, you get out of bed and pray. But when Monday's eveing sun falls down you buy a girl and hit the town. And drink until you fall down. Then come the holy sabbath, you feel so guilty you could bleed. So you kneel at his house, on your broken hands and knees. You claim that he can hear you, you claim that he cares. But in reality you dont know if God is even there! You knight your self a pesant to a man you dubbed a king. You can speak his word chapter and verse but is it all that it is worth? You may as well get up off your feet, prepare to relish in crushed hopes and broken dreams. Worship his peices of wood, remeber him and serve him good or so help me you will burn. The one to proect you, shelter you from sin, it might as be your own shadow. When your dead you can keep knocking, but He wont let you in. Go head and praise a silly man. Might as well be dead. Forget your thoughts and feelings for your God for he is nothing but a man, a poorer man than me. For he is mearly nothing and thats all he'll ever be. For he is God of Nothing! For everyone and me.

Stars

2009-07-03T16:29:00.000-07:00

Out alone in the world. Tonight. Out alone in the darkest night. I see some lights, as stars fill the sky. Do they ever fall? I lay in the grass and think of you. Some say it is all I ever do. Dream and think of only you. As I can recall, sence the dawn of man, the first breath of time, the stars have kissed the sky. Somehow, laying here, isnt the same with out you. The stars dont seem as bright, my heart dosnt feel right. I'll rest when I am dead. My mind wont quite talking... my heart wont stop rocking.I lay in the grass and dream of you. How I wish to be alone with you. I could lay here forever with you and everything would be beutiful underneath these endless stars.

Linger on a razor

2009-07-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

I see your face on silver. So it glimmers, ever so tempting. Your eyes lay apoun the silver. Your so cold. I wish you would kill me... slowly. Oh somehow. You caress your blade and sing to it longinly. As if it t'was your lover. Oh will you sing to me that way? Can you feel for me as you do the blade? I linger on your razor whising it was me. But, I know you seak revenge... so I stand aside... only hoping one day you caress me in a kiss then kill me sweetly. Then linger on at my rubies on your razor. Oh please please sing to it. Sing to it sweetly. Oh please, linger on my corpse. Confustion tangles me like the cobwebs on your wall. I wander lost in my thoughts. I've watched you. I've watched you plan, I've watched you plot, I've watched you think, but yet, I have never seen you love. Only words of darkness and affections for the cold steel. If I where that... if I where that... oh if I, If I! Where that..... would you... would you linger? Would you linger on me like you do the steel you caress? Why do I love a muderder? Why do I wish you to feel as I do? Oh why do I keep asking questions?? I pray that you may somehow care for me one day.... but as for now. I only wish to be the razor you linger on.

If you where mine (for Manson)

2009-06-30T08:52:00.001-07:00

If you where mine, I'd let you kill me slowly. If you where mine, I'd bleed my blood for you. So we lay, dead in the ashes of the moon. Everythings black now. You scare me. I am afraid of you, it only makes me love you more. If you where mine, you would be my vampire. If you where mine you would drink me til the end. Til the end.... I feel it so close... so cold. My corpse is yours. Pale and cold. Scared. Here comes the moon again....again... to remind me of who you are. <3

I wish I could go away

2009-06-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

I want to go away I dont know where just somewhere... away from my moms house.... Grr.... Im not writing anymore. Im to sad

I feel luved.

2009-06-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

Tunes: "Pictures of You" The Cure
Mood: Sulking but happy

I have the sweetest dorkface everrrrrrrrr. :3 He's such a sweetheart. Lol. He makes me feel so loved. <3 :3 Yay! Well bed time. Margar is a sleepy one.

Tangled

2009-06-28T11:42:00.000-07:00

Tunes: "Love Will Tear Us Apart" Joy Division
Mood: Sulking....sulking...thinking....sulking...

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeh. I've been sulking alot latly. I guess its because I miss my boyfriend. :( I wanna hang out with him!! He's funny. <3

I keep having suicidal thoughts.... my medicine isnt working I dont think. I dont know! I keep having werid flashes that I'd be better off dead or something. :( I dont know..... I've just been sulking and thinking about it for hours and hours and hours!! Grrr I dont like my life at the moment.

Wonderwall

2009-06-26T12:16:00.001-07:00

This was a stupid poem I wrote for my boyfriend. :3

You realize I'm in love in with in a rainbow ice cream gonna run right back to you. Lost in a wonderwall, found my self suck with you. I am a black rainbow and you fell down and I caught you. Nothing makes much sence to me it seems to be just you and me in a world full of normal people. So we sit and dream away about differnt colored songs and days. Lets climb our own wonderwall and be lazy in the middle. Right back to you I probly will fall. But after all, its okay, your my wonderwall <3

LOOK!!

2009-06-25T15:20:00.001-07:00

LOOK! ITS THE 90s JOHN LENNON!! XD Lol. LIAM! <3

This Picture (something for him)

2009-06-22T17:48:00.000-07:00

This picutre feels like velvet on my broken skin. This picture holds my fondest dreams. This picture takes away the pain. It makes me feel alive, when I always feel dead. This makes me need you even more. This picture made me insane and mad enough to need you. This picture brakes my heart. This picture makes me feel when I am numb. This picture makes me speak when I am dumb. This picture makes me cry. And it is all I have left. This picture is all I ever wanted, to never tear away at my periscious picture of you. <3

Love me?

2009-06-19T18:42:00.000-07:00

Love me then?
Love me now?
Love me when?
Love me coldly?
Love me warmly?
Love me soft?
Love me in the dark?
Love me in the light?
Love me lost in midnight?
Love me in the graveyard?
Love me with thorns in my eyes?
Love me when I die?
Love me when I cry?
Love me forever?
Love me never?
Love me in pain?
Love me in rain?
Love me sadly?
Love me madly?
Love me then?
Love me now?
Love me.....still?

I lost my self, I lost my self....

2009-06-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired, pissed.
Tunes: "Karma Police" Radiohead

I cant seem to wake up!! I try really hard to get out of bed and it hurts! Am I dying? Oh I am not what I was once. I keep seeing things... not people....well I dont know. I've just been so pissed off at nothing!! Its insane.

I couldnt ever love you more

2009-06-16T18:51:00.001-07:00

Because I love you all to much <3 :(

Wax

2009-06-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

Waxing candle burning fast, waxing candle burt now done. Heat. Light. Engery. Touch and burn. Touch and burn. Burn burn! Life. Dancing...dancers? Wax. Hot. Warning label? Warning label. Ripped it off my pill bottle. Over does on sleeping pills...getting sleepy, getting weary. Candle keeps burning in the wind. Waxing, melting candle burning fast, waxing burt now dead. So I lay down in my death bed.

I just fail to care

2009-06-12T08:31:00.001-07:00

Mood: Depressed.... longing.
Tunes: "Disinagration" The Cure

It seems to me that I dont care about alot of stuff anymore! I mean, I care about some people and things... but alot of stuff just dosnt make me movitivated to help with whatever the cause or problem is. I hate it when people come up to me and are like "DONT KILL YOURSELF!!" because I said I dont really care about my life. Its so annoying...grr. I fail to care and I hate the world.

How it is

2009-06-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

Mood: longing
Tunes: "Disinagration" The Cure

I keep falling alseep and in my dreams I keep falling. Thats how it has been, and how it is. I cant focous on anything anymore. I get to lost in my own dreams that I know will never happen....never happen. But I keep believing them anyway. I hope when I reach the end of my falling... he will catch me.

I miss you

2009-06-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

Dont tune me out! Cant you see I'm crying out for your...your...love? Love? Explain to me this pain. Cut me out of the prison of my monsters in my dreams. Can you cut away the paper wall that keeps me away from you? Can we just move on? No. Its too late, its over and your gone. But I miss you I miss you I miss you way to much. Its all a repeat. I wish you'd come and resuce me from the monsters inside my dream...but this wish was a wish to late. Can you tell that I miss you, I miss you I miss you....so much.

Run like hell.

2009-06-08T14:34:00.000-07:00

Bodies. Fallen. Twisted. Bleeding. Screaming. No time for dreaming. We have to run. We have to run. Run run run!!

Heil Mein Führer!

Bang. Pop. Screams. MOTHER!!

Heil Mein Führer!

Twisted. Ashes. Rotting. Blurry. Sick. Snow. Snow....peacefull snow. Look at the snow it cant reject you....

Heil Mein Führer!

Chanting. Louder. Screaming. Hate.

Heil Mein Führer!

Dont look at the dead bodies...they mean nothing to you. You never had a mother. Just keep running. Soon you'll be okay... Leave that behide. Take off your shoes!

Heil Mein Führer!

No! Leave them on! Just run...thats all you know how to do. Thats all. Run. From the time you where born- ignore your screaming lover dying- see? She's gone. You never had her. Run run run.

Heil Mein Führer!

Food. I need food. No. I dont know how to eat. All I know is how to breathe, run, run, run, hide, and run. Thats all. Why is the snow red?? Oh why is the snow red near me!? Snow is white not red!

Heil Mein Führer!

NO DONT TRIP!! They got me get it over with get it over with....wait no! Run. Run Run. Dont turn around....Run run run...

Heil Mein Führer!
Run...

Heil Mein Führer!

....run...

Heil Mein Führer!

Run....run....

Heil Mein Führer!

....Run like... hell.

And so you have stolen (something for Robert Smith....)

2009-06-07T16:57:00.000-07:00

And so you have stolen my breath, And so you make me numb. So I decied to die. Slowly at some speed. And so you I leave my heart behide for you to get. And so you leave me with empty and a prayer for more rain. Sick of it I turn away, but knowing truly that there will never be a last time I call your name...empty I feel. Empty I felt. And so you have stolen my true memories and so I happily dream of you....only to wake up alone and afraid. And so you have stolen my heart. Bleeding and broken as it doth become cold. And so you stolen my sanity, ripped it away from me. And so you stolen my heart that now beats all to slowly. <3

Cant Remember

2009-06-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

Mood: Sleepy
Tunes: "The End Of The World" The Cure (If anyone knows what album this is on PLEASE let me know....)

My memory is going....fast. Its filling up with moments that never happend (but I wished they did
Luv Ya

Margar C XXX

Pissed off

2009-06-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

Mood: Pissed off... just generaly pissed.
Tunes: "The End Of The World" The Cure

I want stuff to end. What? I have no idea. I've just been really pissed off at everything lately. Am I just naturaly pissed off?! Probly. Meh. I dont wanna write anymore on this.....go die.

Love you,

Margar C XXX

Only for a moment

2009-06-05T18:19:00.000-07:00

Only for a moment can I truly live, only for a moment can I truly see. Always I have loved, but, alas! It'll go down as a useless flame. A hunderd years I have lived, a thousand breathes escaped my lips, 20,000 tears I have shead. 3000 drops of blood bleed. Golden years have come, and they have passed. A hunderd secerts shared, love given in pity. And only for a moment... only for a moment... is there time for me to hold you. One more breathe then my life will be none. One more time to hold your hand. One more time to look back before I move on. First time to truly mean "I love you". Only for a moment can I touch you? Can I cry with you? Only for a moment can I truly live.

Why do I?

2009-06-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

Why do I feel this? A feeling they call love? Why does this feeling, shine sweeter than stars above? Why do I call you, and why do you never come? Why do I love you? Why does it hurt when I awake from my dream. Arnt I living a dream? No. Then wouldnt you come threw? How can I get to you? Why cant I be with you? Why do I wait for you everyday and yet... people tell me you are very very far away. Why cant I find you? Why do I need you? Why cant I feel you? Oh why oh why cant I tell you? Why do questions go unanswerd?

Questions

2009-06-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

What happens when we die? Do we go away? Or do we stay and waste away?
What happens when we fall to hard? Can we get back up?
What happens when we fall in love with someone you cant see?

I'm just dreaming....

What happens YOU only have 100 years to live?

A frightening look in my mind...

2009-06-03T12:28:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to type whatevers in my head!! Comment if you see anything interesting... (Ive always wanted to do this btw)So here we go...

Grr youtube wont load!!!!
Love Kats YAY!!!
Meeeeeeeeeeeow....hee hee
I need to learn how to play bass
bass girl needs to learn how to play this
Into the sea you and me love cats
I cant stop dancing
GUM!! I need gum!
Hee hee Robert Smiths so cute when he makes cat noises
I need new shoes
What time is it???
I'm super glad my anuts here!!
Should I listen to that song again?
Hmmmm.... I need me some Kool Aid
KOOL AID MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Geez whoevers reading this must really have a long attention span
WHA!! IN BETWEEN DAYS!!! <3 <3
-shigh- I love The Cure.....i think alittle too much...wait...no. :D

Cure on the radio!!

2009-05-30T17:34:00.000-07:00

Im so excited!!

http://www.thecure.com/blog/default.aspx?nid=21688
Read if you wanna hear it!

Wish I could

2009-05-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

Mood: Somber
Tunes: "Spaceman" The Killers

I want to leave the world... not die! But just I dont know, go somewhere esle. Like, fly or something. I wish I was a bird. Then I could fly somewhere esle. I just hate the neighboorhood where I live. Theres nothing to do. I dont like Jacksonvillie much. I wish I lived in a big city. Or an attic in an old house near a graveyard. That be sweet!! I'd go there at night and leave flowers... red ones. Blood red ones. :) That be cool

Ending it all...ending it slowly

2009-05-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Turning back into addictitons, stumbilng back again! Your hands are knifes cutting into me and seeing things no one else can see. Oh to end it all and to end it slowly... to slip away without anyone else knowing. Drip by drip tap by tap scream by scream kiss by kiss.... its ending it all and ending it slowly. Falling and failing love again... twisted back into...reality?!! Oh raven on thy shatterd wing eat out my eyes so I can not see. Just end it all...end it slowly my dear. Drip by drip drop by drop... metal cutting into flesh, your hands and your words... kiss by kiss scream by scream. Tis' us ending it all and ending it slowly

To love his sharp fingures. (For Edward)

2009-05-28T16:10:00.000-07:00

How can I love you, when you make me bleed. You belong! You belong... only not to me. We're freaks in a cirucs. People laugh at you and me. Tis differnt with you because they laugh at your beauty that sallow people cant see. I love your face I love your...your... hands, akward they may be. You bring angels to the earth! Light for people who are blind to see. I love your words and your rythms. I love your eyes. Tell me that you love me....tell me....

Oh to love your sharp fingures.... I dont care if I bleed. <3

DO YOU DENIEY THE AWESOMENESS??

2009-05-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

How can you say no? <3

Come as you are?

2009-05-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

Mood: Depressed
Tunes: "Lullaby" The Cure

Its like the world turns its back on me to leave me for dead. Nothing makes sence... the sallow-esc of conformity. I keep seeing these signs on churchs they keep saying "ALL WELCOME: COME AS YOU ARE!" Do they really mean that? Are they saying that I, someone who dosnt believe in anything, come in and listen to there lectures on the good will and there God and just walk away with learning nothing? And then they except me to come back? Theres just so much anger towards religion.... you honestly cant prove anything exsisited!!! If you can share proof that something happend PLEASE comeout of hiding and lead us on to your knownlage.

God my life sucks. I want to die.... but I cant. I'd leave people behide... or a handfull of people that care. The sad thing is, the one person I really want to care...dosnt know my name.

A Kiss for a kill?

2009-05-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

Night is black it remains so, the world is ice; somber and cold. I feel you...need you... want you. Thy rain is sweet but doth it linger like your kiss? O! How I long for your cold touch, and yet, I dont think I am the one. Wind howls like a madden wolf. Use me. Hurt me. Rip me to peices. Love me. Kiss me. Touch me. Kill me?! Why dont I run!? Why do I let you tease me, why do I want it? Drain me. Drink me. Eat me. Bleed me dry. Drink my blood like rose and crimson wine. Oh just kiss me then leave me for dead!! You'll still be with me in my head. Hold me. Stab me. Slit me. Cut me. Kiss me then kill me! Bite me. Strike me. Light me. Burn me. Feel me. Your lips are poison but I love, love, your pain. Drian me. Bite me. Stab me. Slit me. Kill me!! Kiss me!

And so I look up above

2009-05-26T12:21:00.000-07:00

Mood: Depressed
Tunes: "Sallys Song" (From the Nightmare Before Christmas)

This song describes how I feel about love in general. -shigh- I feel so alone. I look to the above, for an answer for this pain. And so I fall back into my impossible longing for someones love... (I dare not breathe his name)

Pin-pointed pain

2009-05-24T14:52:00.000-07:00

Write in blood across the page. Tap, tap, tap. Ding. Swish. Type writer. So she writes out her pain in neon colors. Heart beating....slower...slower...shhhhh. Softer softer... tap tap tap. Crash. Glass brakes chair falls. Heartbeat? Pin-pointed. Shh shh shh... softer...slower....

Dead.

Hmmmmmmmmm

2009-05-24T09:40:00.000-07:00

Mood: Still borde
Tunes: "Sweet Jane" The Velvet Underground

Ah the reckless caffine coated ramblings in the subway station in New York. That was fun. I think Im the only one out of all my friends who likes VU. Hmmmmmmmm....

Nothing better to do

2009-05-24T09:26:00.001-07:00

Mood: borde... waiting for something to happen
Tunes: "Sex and Candy" Marcy Playground (its the song I listen to when Im borde)

God why wont something happen!!!??? ITS SO ANNOYING!!! My dad lives in the middle of fucking NOWHERE and I cant really walk anywhere and be borde there or with friends. Damn I want coffee. Ugh. Someone get on the internet or something!! Geez.

Alright, Im done bitching

To be his...... razor. (To the tune of "My Friends"...if you can think of it)

2009-05-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

Oh to be his razor, a glimmer in his eye... oh to be his razor. To shine his dreamy silver as he sings to me sweetly of perious gems, of crimson. To be the glint in his eye, the only friend in his life, to be held in his clever hand! To perice the judge.... to be together. To hear a whisper... as I take away his pains. If I dripped rubies and shined of silver... would he love me then? To be his razor, to be thy nobel soward. For him to glance at me... to listen. Oh he would hold me close... If I could just steal The Judges rubies. To be the only friend in his life! To slay who has done him wrong! To grow warm in his hand! Oh on thy night I shine mearly silver...but soon... rubies I shall bleed for him. Oh to be his razor. <3

SHUT UP!!

2009-05-19T15:48:00.000-07:00

Mood: Hating my mother.
Tunes: "The Perfect Boy" The Cure <3

Often, I wonder...."Why does she keep asking me questions?????? God. Shes all like "Why are you angery with me?" IM JUST PISSED OFF! Gawd..... conformist. Well, I should do something else with my sad life but I've decided to waste my brain on more Cure. (If that counts....) -shigh- Why did Ian die? Why? Well, fame can kill you. Right? Hmh. I wouldnt know. Oh well. Life goes on (pardon my French)

Deep in my lullaby

2009-05-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the darkness, my breath is slow, soft, almost in sleep. I feel... a thouch, shiver. Cold. Ice. Yet, move? I cannot. Something holds me there, something....something. Faces flash, voices blur. I stir from my prision. I am alone...except for the shadow I've waltz with... deep in my lullaby.

The Luckiest (A poem of scarasim)

2009-05-17T14:22:00.000-07:00

I'm the luckiest today. Grey clouds all day, nobody cam my way. I'm the luckiest today. Yep. Just all the same if youd gone away... I'd still be the luckiest! I'm the luckiest today I got left out in the rain. Oh I'm the luckiest today. I got left out in the rain. I'm the luckiest....today. =[

Fall back

2009-05-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

Mood: Trapped... want to get out of my own body.
Tunes: "Bone Bomb" Brian Eno

Need to get out of my mind.... I just want to drift away... just to somewhere esle. GOD I NEED TO GET OUT OF MY MIND!! Not to die... I just need to fallback into space... nothing... just blackness and stars... thats all I need.... I just want music and space. Music and space.... So much anger.... so much hate... so much. Too much! My tears are hitting the keybord.

Space

2009-05-16T16:44:00.000-07:00

This feeling, this way of life, should I inspire? Shall I reach higher? This moment, this breath, that means we are closer to death! My bones... thats all I feel, tangled. Dry. Cracked. Dusty. Moving in space... going backwords from this place... that empty space. Tumble in the space... tumble around the endless life race. This is just another time. But, this feeling, this poison is sweeter than holy water and wine. Oh can I let go... let me float.. in this empty place... this forever going... star splatterd endless place. Dont make me find my way... lets just drift away... My bones are tangled. Dry. Cracked. Dusty. Something I want to leave behide. This body, this soul, this soul has somewhere to flow, no where to go. This light, this shadow, this kiss... I'll remember it for the quite night. This calling, this falling this world keeps turning. This what I needed to be true, this what I thought I knew. Lets just slip away... slip away... deeper into space. This heartbeat, this pulse, this life, this time... this time has passed. A moment broke past... the moment last. A feeling so devine. This broken heart, this mendended heart, tries to make a form of art. This movement, its frozen. Moving backwards... heart beating faster. This darknight, this sunlight for that is all I understood. Deep in my bones, there lies my soul, twisted demon, made of fire its wings grow higher and higher. My blood pounds harder. This feeling... this space... this life... this life has died. Turning backwords, forgetting time... in the empty space... no ones life is a waste. Dreaming of an empty space... forgetting life... forgetting race. Just belonging to the whispers of space

I got up because?

2009-05-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

Mood: Sleepy
Tunes: "The Perfect Boy" The Cure

-yawn- I dont even know WHY I got up this early... I have no reason. Meeeeeeeeeeeh I'm going back to sleep.

Spiderweb caught up with me

2009-05-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

Mood: Eh... bord
Tunes: "Trouble" Coldplay

Dear Blog,

Theres nothing to do where I live. Well, theres somethings... but I mean in my naighboorhood. I mean I can walk to the libary and the park, but looking at books and swining gets old. lol. And I really dont think Id get along with the neighboorhood "pack" there all sporty and.... ew. No. Just no. I tried so hard before.. only to be ignored and left out. Oh well! I should stop listening to this song... it makes me sleepy.

Deep in the baby cradle

2009-05-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

For Ian, my normal boy...

Deep in the cradle of your voice my heart swims, and in your eyes the moonlight spins. You dance with death apoun a shadows scorn... is it impossible to love you more? Oh but love will tear us apart again! Ian in your baby cradle, stars are shining and you know that death is fatal... but dance away with her you do... now everytime i look up i see you as the sad eyed man in the moon, deep in the baby cradle of a new life.

RIP