Hallow Dream

Feeling

feeling

feeling.

Burried deep down inside...

A horror of inner emotions,

sometimes I wish I could hide.

An angel of death stares at me...

then devours me from the inside.

Cutting into my felsh...

fits of rage I try to hide.

Love,

love tearing me apart.

Broken promises and emotions,

my heart burns and turns inside.

The water is cold...

turn away...

turn back...

Dont look back!

Not threw that looking glass!!

I try not to slip back into a confusing past....

My respect for love with life has run dry...

torn apart I am again.

Like a peice of paper out apon the open sea...

torn apart I am.

Torn apart I am again.

Torn apart I'll always be....

Drowning in the sarrow....

Drowning in the rain.

Drowning in nothing...

nothing but sadness and pain.

Oh! And Love.

Love....

That word I have herd before,

spoken from a yonder bird.

Blue it was and happy it seemed.

For a mintue I had life! For a second, a dream.

Til I woke and it was shatterd.....

Shatterd.... broken.

Gone.

Glass on the floor.

Wilted flowers lay apon my deadblot door.

I see my breathe when I sleep.

Seeping out of me....

into life and unto death.

Death in love has been my only dream.

For a moment I had life! For a second I had a dream.

Brought to me by somber ravens! In my hallow blood drenched sleep.

The Raven of my dreams was young... the closest thing I could have to a true love

Doth the raven come back again?

Ah! Alas! No!

That is why I weep

A dream I have had (Sweeney Todd related dream..)

I wonder of my spirt. He watches me. But lately I havent seen him. I wonder often.... I dream of him. I dont know if the dream I am to tell you is about him or he is telling me something but anyway....

I am in a dress. It's white. Simple and flowing. Kind of like a wedding dress. Thats werid for me. Anyway, I am running down a long hall way with twist and turns. I keep getting lost. Suddenly, I am at the top of a long stairway. It seems to go on for ever. I venture down it. It spins downward. I am running. I keep glancing upward. Looking at the marble staircase. The house I am trapped in resembles the one in Edward Scissorhands. I also have a candle in a candle holder lighting my way because it is dark outside. Anyway I am reallyweak from running, I lay down on the staircase witch is freezing also. Suddenly I hear footsteps coming up from downbelow. I sit upright and I freak. There is nowhere to hide. Maybe if I make it back up? I can hide in a room? Perhaps. I forget to grab the candle and dart back up the staircase. The footsteps behide me are getting louder. My head s arts throbbing. I keep looking back. Then I trip. SMACK! I hit hard marble. The footsteps get closer and they slow down. I am really really dizzy. I see boots at my feet. I dont look up for I am afraid. His candle goes out. Now all there is is darkness and a faint moonglow now from the upstairs. Suddenly I am pulled to my feet. I try to scream but nothing happens. He drags me upward I cant see his face. I struggle but he is stronger than me. We are up stairs again. I am dying at this point. We are down a long hall way I have never seen before. Then I am slammed agaisnt the wall "OUCH!!" I yell. There is a razor to my throat. "Scream... and I'll stain your pretty dress..." he whisperd. I whimperd. It was Sweeney Todd. Fear gripped me instantly. He glared at me. Was he mad? I cant read him. I paniced. He relaxed his grip on my sholder....slightly. "What do you want?" I asked....shaking. I guess he could feel it because he smiled knowing that he had power over me for a time. "Tourture is ment to be intended my dear." he said. Tourture??!! I moaned in fear. His hand creeped up to my shoulder blade. He pressed down. Hence, I fainted being one of my pressure points. So blackness consumed me.

When I awoke I was somewhat please to know that I wasnt running anymore. I started to recolet my self. Fear came over me again. "Oh your trembling my dear..." he said. I jumped. He was close. I freaked. I got up from where ever I was. I looked around for him. Of course, he had darken the room.... -shigh- "Mr.Todd?" I automaticly called out and peerd into the darkness. I started to walk....slowly. My knees were shaking. He grabbed me from behide and I was in a coner. I blushed. I could tell my feelings were speeping threw weather i wanted them to or not. He lifted my chin up. I bit my lower lip. He lighty kissed my lips. I freaked. I wanted to kiss him back but he drew away. He walked me over to the chair. I fallowed knowing that Id probly fallow him anywhere now. He pushed me in the chair. He knelt down so he was eye level with me. He moved my hair away from my neck and he kissed it. "I love you..." he began and kissed me again. "And that is why you must die." The truth came. I knew he can not love for if he did it would be the end of him. And I'd rather be it the end of me than him. Tears sprang into my eyes anyway. He shighed and drew his razor. "If I fight back.... dont let me win." I said. "You are brave...and beutiful and like all things, beutiful things die in the most tragic ways." he said. I looked up at him. I trembled. Looking into the facedeath only to realize it is someone you love deeper than you care to admit is a scary thing. I closed my eyes and waited for that cold sting. Instead or prier to, a kiss was given. It was beutiful and emotional. We drew apart. He kissed my neck once more than he lifted his razor slightly and lightly cut my neck slightly enough to bleed but not to die. "Perhaps this is not the end." Why did I have hope in this time? I do not know nor can I explain. So he drank from me. I stiffend afraid. "Dont kill me please...." I begged. "No. No. Never." he drew in the razor deeper. I yelped. It hurt so bad. He seemed to be draining from me. Perhaps me liked the taste? I was slipping into darkness but it was not death!! Only sleep... He drew me into his arms and I fainted.

Then I awoke.

All the voices blur....

All the voices blur....

All the voices cry...

I can not save them.

They are the end of me....

No. I am wrong.

He is the end of me....

A love I have never met only barly seen... in a differnt world.

I dream, sometimes.....

Paranoid. I am being watched. I know.

I can feel it.... deep within the hallow grave of which my heart lies.

All the voices blur

They tell me things...

The one that tells me sweet nothings I have grown fond of.

I pretend it is him.....

Only to wake in the morning.

I dream sometimes....

Eyes at my window.

Someone pushes me.

I fall; Dont look up damn you!

I look up.

Does death look beutiful?

The man before me is cold and pale.

Death plays about him.

I yearn.....

just for a whisper....

of nothing but something sweet.

Sometimes I dreaming.....

So many eyes!

So many voices...

I cry confused.

Tears.

Voices....

"Die..."

All the voices blur...

Sucuidal thoughts (written at 12)

"suicidal thoughts" 3/7/07" "Weve all got guns bring your friends" I herd you say. Click. next track. I listen tapping my foot. I miss you....more than anything or feeling.... I take out a knife pull up my jacket sleeve and i jump into the water. I here the opening chords to come as you are. I open my eyes. My feet hang in the air as i sink down, the water hurts my eyes. "No I dont have a gun, no i dont have a gun" Click. Trigger pulled back. I cant see. I cant move. The cold water holds me still. "I swear I dont have a gun" I turned. Dizzy dizzy losing breath, "I'll lock my lips to yours a passinote kiss from my mouth to yours" I could hear you even though you only stared. You had done as promised. Your hand grasped my tie. You pulled. I was choaking. You made me hold the gun to your sweet head. Gave me a wink, bang bang shot your self dead, let your lips still hold mine. My eyes blurred from water and blood. I picked up the blade in my wet hand. Slit my wrist grabbed the gun, Bang. My hand over your pretty cold fingures that held my tie and stole the rest of my breath. I held your hand. Cocked it back. Inhailed the blood and water that became my wine. Bang. Bang. Sliver bullett threw my head: blood mixed with yours. My last words? Hello Whatever Nevermind.

What will burn? for my self and Ian Curtis

These feeling I cant help but hide

These feelings I feel deep down inside me

Cut at my soul and come out threw my eyes

This feeling I'm feeling is stronger....

Stronger than the rest....

thoughts of sucidie and self mutilation flash threw my mind and progress.

What will burn.....

Heart and Soul

What will burn?

Daring and romantic is death

even more so than physical actration to my mind

Heart and soul....

it will burn

The knife on the tabel is shinning

But I dont want to die like that

Heart and soul

what will burn?

This feeling i feel down within me

I have to hide at all times

these feelings of perminate mourning.... and a thousand thoughts of sucides

Heart

and

Soul

What will burn?

Eaten

It chews at the inside of me

My soul.....

My heart has been raped. NO! Willinly given

To what?

A lost cause.....

Hopless I feel

The feeling chews at me

Biting.

Iching.

Burning.

Hungery.

Love is crule.....

In sarrow I am

In sarrow will be thy tomarrow

In love I am in

With someone I havent truly seen

His words I hear but alas!

They are not ment to be....

To fall in your arms!!

To been seen in your eyes!

One kiss then I could die....

One kiss and I'll leave you alone

To be as deep in your heart as you are mine!

Love could be sweet and divine!

If only Id thought of the right words...

I'd be in the picture with you.....

Weeping

I know you didnt see me....

I know you dont care...

I wont let you look at me I wont let you look at me

I tried to make you happy

I tried to make you care

I tried to make you pretty

I tried to make you fair

But I was left weeping

weeping on the stairs

I know you didnt see me

I know you didnt see me THERE

Now I know you for sure you wont see me

Now I'm sure you still wont care

I'm left curled up on the floor

Dying

Dying

Dying.....

Dying....

In my dresser door

Now you wont see me weeping anymore

yes

now you wont see me

weeping anymore

I always love you

Trapped in your eyes I long to be, to kiss your lips would be a scream! To touch your face would surly put me out of place.... I am always reminded of how much I think of you. You leave me haunted then I know, thats all i ever wanted. To be haunted by your name. Oh I will always love you