Bloodflowers.

This is the saddest dream Ive ever had. I wrote it down a year or so ago. Now, I share it with the world.

"These flowers...always fade..." I threw myself on the ground. And cried. Cried and finished your darkness "Always die." "This dream always goes." I herd you sing. If only you where closer... I reached for the knife. Carefull, not to inflict so much pain, I slit. Threw bleeding neck and hair, I found a rose. "You came..." I managed to stammer. "In my finest hours.." He bravely lept threw the open window and licked blood from me. "Neverfade...always die..." His words confused me and drew me into him. "This dream always ends..." His voice be came bitter. My mother enterd and tried to tare me from his arms. His grip was strong. My mother raced to call my father... I only had so much time left. In her eyes anyway. "Just let me bleed away..." I said threw stiffend tears of someform of love. "No." His voice was cold and dark. "I give you flowers of blood." He took the flower from my hands and cut his own face. I felt his blood drip on me. Darkness began to take me. "I DONT WANT TO DIE!!" I paniced knowing my own fate. "Shhh shhh..." his voice became soft. A hand threw my hair he shoothed me. "Never fade....never die..." I could hear his own voice grow weak. I let tears flow freely. "The blood stopped falling." I said then looked up to see him paler than he already was. "You cared about my wound more than your own even though you lay dying..." My voice was dry. I had to die with him. I guess he knew as he gently cut me with the flower as his strange act of love. We held each other in darkness, then, both of us knowing we would be together threw whatever awaited us, knowing that we could never seperate, that we'd always be with one another now, we shared a kiss.... as we slipped into the night that last forever; Death.

Anger and a forbidden love

I scream! I need you yet, you cannot see. Blind to my emotions, anger takes hold of me. I want you to feel me....but that is a dream. Forbidden love consumes me. You make me bleed. You make me feel! Love me.... love me with your words. Let your poison consume me. Forbidden, but it is sweet. The sweet taste of anger flowing from me.

So much drama

Mood: Really REALLY dramatic
Tunes: "Johanna Reprise" Sweeney Todd Soundtrack (.....)

I probly should stop listening to that song but but ITS SO AMAZING!!! Anothney is sooo sweet. I feel really dramatic lately... probly because Ive been reading Oscar Wilde and listening to songs from musicals. 0_o And "Love Cats"..... -shigh- I want to sing to some people other than my cat! And mom dosnt take me seriously... She always makes fun of it. She laughs at how I can take a musical so seriously. She laughs at everything I do. When I sing... Regardless of how others think of my voice, I feel like I'm a differnt person... As if I feel there struggle... and anger... and longing for a love that is so strong but yet... so forbidden! Oh only someone such as I...

Wishing

Mood: Sad
Tunes: "To Wish Impossible Things" The Cure

-shigh- I wish wishes came true..... but they dont. There just dreams that will never happen. Useless! Yet.... Wishing is the only thing I have.

Major sadness

I miss Kurt Cobain....

-Put your title here cause Im too fucking lazy to think of one-

Mood: Pissed
Tuneage: "Theme Bones" A.I.C (For the love of Lane motherfucking Stanly if you dont know what the abraveiations for go fuck your mom...i told you Im pissed)

Why am i pissed? I dont know. Deal.

Tears (not for the faint of heart)

Dizzy I fall back, lean agasint a wall. Hot tears and cold sweat wash over me. I need to scream, breathe, but I choak on my own spit. Dizzy dizzy falling now, somebodys pushed me down. Hot tears and sweat cloud my face, trying to breathe I hear you fall somethings happend to us all, I lay there crying....someone end it all. Sudenly I hear a click, I try to spit and see, suddenly I feel something silver and cold go threw me. I look up I see your face, your cold as stone and white as paste. You've killed me.

BEHOLD!!

In honor of my 90th post I'm going to tell you something really important......I GOT THE NEW YOUNG BOND BOOK BITCHES!!! HA HA HA!! IN YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!! Yound Bond PAWNS YOU ALL!

So many emotions!!!

Mood: So happy...so un-naturally happy..hoplessly
Tunes: "Just Like Heaven" The Cure <3 <3

I'm so happy!! I dont know why!! I feel so hoplessly in love and hoplessly happy. For an hour I sat in a conor of my room and just listend to the birds!! I NEVER DO THAT!! Some werid emotion has comeover me. Like, everything I see I smile at. I dont feel empty. And I'm listening to the happiest song I know. Please tell why I feel like this! EXPLAIN!

FREE MANSON FROM THE MEDIA!!

Mood: Happy and pissed (Im feeling normal)
Tunes: In honor of the sad kids who killed there selfs because of the religious biggots ( I personally think that, how do i word this..... I think they killed them selfs because no one would listen to them and just press there stupid biggot views on them) who died today, "The Dope Show" Marilyn Manson

I would like to say to anyone that is firm die hard Christan, MARILYN MANSON HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH COLUMBINE!!!!! NOTHING! GET IT THREW YOUR SICK BIGGOT HOMOPHOBIC HEADS!! Gawd. Seriously. MM had nothing to do with it. Those kids killed because they felt that no one would listen. Its called depression! Nobody would listen to them. Its sad that they even reported the news publicly. Mason wasnt even involed. Personally I think he shows the truest form of a person. FREE MANSON FROM THE MDEIA!!!!

Margar C.

Sick Love

Mood: Lonely...wanting....hurt
Tunes: "Pictures of you" The Cure

Its as if Robert Smith can only really FIND my true emotions for things without even knowing of my exsistance. I feel love for him.... Its annoying when people say things like that are just phases. True, I will grow out of things I'm sure. But, the love I feel for certain musicans or artist...is hard to explain. I feel like Robert Smith couldnt hurt me.... when even in fact, I know that he could. He pulls me into a differt reality. He makes me feel like that I am understood....somehow, someway. If I could.... hmm.... thoes are just dreams. Dreams that are useless. I hate my self. I hate my self for being attached to people who are dead, or alive and dont know i exsist! Dont know that I am a living breathing person with emotions and feelings just as they. Its some sick love I have for him. He pulls emotions from me that I couldnt show to anyone. I tremble as I hear "Bloodflowers" I want to die. Its just so sick to hold a picture of him feeling as if nothing else matters. I guess... to quot him.... "All I have are these pictures...pictures of you, I've had them so long that I almost believed they where real."

Lullaby! (something Robert Smith is probly never going to read..... =[) -cries-

Hold me close my lullaby. Dont go away. Sing me something sweet. Sing me something cold, sing me into sleep. Sing me into love. Drag me down deep. Hold me close my lullaby. Dont ever make me cry! Why when I wake up you always leave me cold? Sing to me my lullaby, tell me what its like to die!! Keep me close my lullaby, sing me into sleep. Hold me close my lullaby. Sing me into your bloodkisses so sweet. Hold me close my lullaby. Spin me a spider-web! Make me dance along the silver threads. Keep me close my lullaby, theres shadows on the wall. Why are there spiders on our heads? Hold me close my lullaby. Sing me into sleep. Drink me till I fall. Keep me close my lullaby. The moon is full and my blood runs cold. Hold me close my lullaby.

Grr

Mood: Bleeeeh (i'm a little sick....)
Tunes: "Johanna Reprise" HEY! Guess what movie thats from? Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

I feel you Johanna!! -dramatic jesture- okay I'm done....for now...

I've pretty much been sulking all day singing that song. ITS JUST SO SAD!! Meeeeeaaaaaah (Thats my sad noise). I just hate being sick!!! Grr..... I'm going to be better tomarrow. But as of now! I'm deathly pale! (Even more so than normal) You should have seen me yesterday... My dad gave me the movie for easter and I stayed up till like 3 watching it. :3 I got to pratice. yay! Pratcie! How am I going to use it one day? I have no idea!! -sulk- I feel you..... okay.... I will stop singing....later.....

I used to rule the world

Mood: Filled with a lingering sarrow
Tunes: "Viva La Vida (Or Death and all his friends)" Coldplay

Ive been having werid dreams....very weird dreams...

I had a dream where all I could see was a sillowett of my self with light around my shadow and i was bounded in black ribbons and I was twisted around. I kept hearing Glory to Death (see song above) And at the end of the song the ribbions broke and I fell slowly.

15 (a poem in forever remeberence of Kurt Cobain)

15 years ago today, Someone cried out for help as if the person was trapped. Trapped inside like a bird in a chage. His wings were clipped, His eyes needed love, his heart was cold. Nobody herd him... no one at all, so he said his goodbye, his last words shocked us all ''Hello Whatever Nevermind...''

RIP Kurt Cobain. I love you forever. <3

Writing to the world from London. Part 1

We landed today (thank god....8 hours...) None of us slept. It was foggy in the morning but later the sun came out. No, (friends who are reading this may be wondering) I didnt to anything beatles related today.....but...tomarrow....LIVERPOOL!! I'm so excited! Im going to walk on THE road, taken lots of pitcures. :D We rode on a double decker bus. It was fun. Just got a tour, then we walked around. I got to walk on Fleet Street AND see M15. Whats M15? SAS Headquarters, London. (Bond! -hint- -hint-) The people here are so amazing. I'll write more soon. Not sure when...but I will tekk you everything I did in Liverpool!