Cure on the radio!!

Im so excited!!

http://www.thecure.com/blog/default.aspx?nid=21688
Read if you wanna hear it!

Wish I could

Mood: Somber
Tunes: "Spaceman" The Killers

I want to leave the world... not die! But just I dont know, go somewhere esle. Like, fly or something. I wish I was a bird. Then I could fly somewhere esle. I just hate the neighboorhood where I live. Theres nothing to do. I dont like Jacksonvillie much. I wish I lived in a big city. Or an attic in an old house near a graveyard. That be sweet!! I'd go there at night and leave flowers... red ones. Blood red ones. :) That be cool

Ending it all...ending it slowly

Turning back into addictitons, stumbilng back again! Your hands are knifes cutting into me and seeing things no one else can see. Oh to end it all and to end it slowly... to slip away without anyone else knowing. Drip by drip tap by tap scream by scream kiss by kiss.... its ending it all and ending it slowly. Falling and failing love again... twisted back into...reality?!! Oh raven on thy shatterd wing eat out my eyes so I can not see. Just end it all...end it slowly my dear. Drip by drip drop by drop... metal cutting into flesh, your hands and your words... kiss by kiss scream by scream. Tis' us ending it all and ending it slowly

To love his sharp fingures. (For Edward)

How can I love you, when you make me bleed. You belong! You belong... only not to me. We're freaks in a cirucs. People laugh at you and me. Tis differnt with you because they laugh at your beauty that sallow people cant see. I love your face I love your...your... hands, akward they may be. You bring angels to the earth! Light for people who are blind to see. I love your words and your rythms. I love your eyes. Tell me that you love me....tell me....

Oh to love your sharp fingures.... I dont care if I bleed. <3

DO YOU DENIEY THE AWESOMENESS??

How can you say no? <3

Come as you are?

Mood: Depressed
Tunes: "Lullaby" The Cure

Its like the world turns its back on me to leave me for dead. Nothing makes sence... the sallow-esc of conformity. I keep seeing these signs on churchs they keep saying "ALL WELCOME: COME AS YOU ARE!" Do they really mean that? Are they saying that I, someone who dosnt believe in anything, come in and listen to there lectures on the good will and there God and just walk away with learning nothing? And then they except me to come back? Theres just so much anger towards religion.... you honestly cant prove anything exsisited!!! If you can share proof that something happend PLEASE comeout of hiding and lead us on to your knownlage.

God my life sucks. I want to die.... but I cant. I'd leave people behide... or a handfull of people that care. The sad thing is, the one person I really want to care...dosnt know my name.

A Kiss for a kill?

Night is black it remains so, the world is ice; somber and cold. I feel you...need you... want you. Thy rain is sweet but doth it linger like your kiss? O! How I long for your cold touch, and yet, I dont think I am the one. Wind howls like a madden wolf. Use me. Hurt me. Rip me to peices. Love me. Kiss me. Touch me. Kill me?! Why dont I run!? Why do I let you tease me, why do I want it? Drain me. Drink me. Eat me. Bleed me dry. Drink my blood like rose and crimson wine. Oh just kiss me then leave me for dead!! You'll still be with me in my head. Hold me. Stab me. Slit me. Cut me. Kiss me then kill me! Bite me. Strike me. Light me. Burn me. Feel me. Your lips are poison but I love, love, your pain. Drian me. Bite me. Stab me. Slit me. Kill me!! Kiss me!

And so I look up above

Mood: Depressed
Tunes: "Sallys Song" (From the Nightmare Before Christmas)

This song describes how I feel about love in general. -shigh- I feel so alone. I look to the above, for an answer for this pain. And so I fall back into my impossible longing for someones love... (I dare not breathe his name)

Pin-pointed pain

Write in blood across the page. Tap, tap, tap. Ding. Swish. Type writer. So she writes out her pain in neon colors. Heart beating....slower...slower...shhhhh. Softer softer... tap tap tap. Crash. Glass brakes chair falls. Heartbeat? Pin-pointed. Shh shh shh... softer...slower....

Dead.

Hmmmmmmmmm

Mood: Still borde
Tunes: "Sweet Jane" The Velvet Underground

Ah the reckless caffine coated ramblings in the subway station in New York. That was fun. I think Im the only one out of all my friends who likes VU. Hmmmmmmmm....

Nothing better to do

Mood: borde... waiting for something to happen
Tunes: "Sex and Candy" Marcy Playground (its the song I listen to when Im borde)

God why wont something happen!!!??? ITS SO ANNOYING!!! My dad lives in the middle of fucking NOWHERE and I cant really walk anywhere and be borde there or with friends. Damn I want coffee. Ugh. Someone get on the internet or something!! Geez.

Alright, Im done bitching

To be his...... razor. (To the tune of "My Friends"...if you can think of it)

Oh to be his razor, a glimmer in his eye... oh to be his razor. To shine his dreamy silver as he sings to me sweetly of perious gems, of crimson. To be the glint in his eye, the only friend in his life, to be held in his clever hand! To perice the judge.... to be together. To hear a whisper... as I take away his pains. If I dripped rubies and shined of silver... would he love me then? To be his razor, to be thy nobel soward. For him to glance at me... to listen. Oh he would hold me close... If I could just steal The Judges rubies. To be the only friend in his life! To slay who has done him wrong! To grow warm in his hand! Oh on thy night I shine mearly silver...but soon... rubies I shall bleed for him. Oh to be his razor. <3

SHUT UP!!

Mood: Hating my mother.
Tunes: "The Perfect Boy" The Cure <3

Often, I wonder...."Why does she keep asking me questions?????? God. Shes all like "Why are you angery with me?" IM JUST PISSED OFF! Gawd..... conformist. Well, I should do something else with my sad life but I've decided to waste my brain on more Cure. (If that counts....) -shigh- Why did Ian die? Why? Well, fame can kill you. Right? Hmh. I wouldnt know. Oh well. Life goes on (pardon my French)

Deep in my lullaby

Sitting in the darkness, my breath is slow, soft, almost in sleep. I feel... a thouch, shiver. Cold. Ice. Yet, move? I cannot. Something holds me there, something....something. Faces flash, voices blur. I stir from my prision. I am alone...except for the shadow I've waltz with... deep in my lullaby.

The Luckiest (A poem of scarasim)

I'm the luckiest today. Grey clouds all day, nobody cam my way. I'm the luckiest today. Yep. Just all the same if youd gone away... I'd still be the luckiest! I'm the luckiest today I got left out in the rain. Oh I'm the luckiest today. I got left out in the rain. I'm the luckiest....today. =[

Fall back

Mood: Trapped... want to get out of my own body.
Tunes: "Bone Bomb" Brian Eno

Need to get out of my mind.... I just want to drift away... just to somewhere esle. GOD I NEED TO GET OUT OF MY MIND!! Not to die... I just need to fallback into space... nothing... just blackness and stars... thats all I need.... I just want music and space. Music and space.... So much anger.... so much hate... so much. Too much! My tears are hitting the keybord.

Space

This feeling, this way of life, should I inspire? Shall I reach higher? This moment, this breath, that means we are closer to death! My bones... thats all I feel, tangled. Dry. Cracked. Dusty. Moving in space... going backwords from this place... that empty space. Tumble in the space... tumble around the endless life race. This is just another time. But, this feeling, this poison is sweeter than holy water and wine. Oh can I let go... let me float.. in this empty place... this forever going... star splatterd endless place. Dont make me find my way... lets just drift away... My bones are tangled. Dry. Cracked. Dusty. Something I want to leave behide. This body, this soul, this soul has somewhere to flow, no where to go. This light, this shadow, this kiss... I'll remember it for the quite night. This calling, this falling this world keeps turning. This what I needed to be true, this what I thought I knew. Lets just slip away... slip away... deeper into space. This heartbeat, this pulse, this life, this time... this time has passed. A moment broke past... the moment last. A feeling so devine. This broken heart, this mendended heart, tries to make a form of art. This movement, its frozen. Moving backwards... heart beating faster. This darknight, this sunlight for that is all I understood. Deep in my bones, there lies my soul, twisted demon, made of fire its wings grow higher and higher. My blood pounds harder. This feeling... this space... this life... this life has died. Turning backwords, forgetting time... in the empty space... no ones life is a waste. Dreaming of an empty space... forgetting life... forgetting race. Just belonging to the whispers of space

I got up because?

Mood: Sleepy
Tunes: "The Perfect Boy" The Cure

-yawn- I dont even know WHY I got up this early... I have no reason. Meeeeeeeeeeeh I'm going back to sleep.

Spiderweb caught up with me

Mood: Eh... bord
Tunes: "Trouble" Coldplay

Dear Blog,

Theres nothing to do where I live. Well, theres somethings... but I mean in my naighboorhood. I mean I can walk to the libary and the park, but looking at books and swining gets old. lol. And I really dont think Id get along with the neighboorhood "pack" there all sporty and.... ew. No. Just no. I tried so hard before.. only to be ignored and left out. Oh well! I should stop listening to this song... it makes me sleepy.

Deep in the baby cradle

For Ian, my normal boy...

Deep in the cradle of your voice my heart swims, and in your eyes the moonlight spins. You dance with death apoun a shadows scorn... is it impossible to love you more? Oh but love will tear us apart again! Ian in your baby cradle, stars are shining and you know that death is fatal... but dance away with her you do... now everytime i look up i see you as the sad eyed man in the moon, deep in the baby cradle of a new life.

RIP

Trapped.

Mood: Suspisious... quite.
Tunes: "Lullaby" The Cure

I feel trapped, in a web. A web of feelings and thoughts. I feel like someones out to get me... Course, I cant imagein who. But... I dont know, I feel strange. Very strange. Grr.... I want to get a drink but I'm lazy. Lol. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS NOT MY HAPPY NOISE THIS IS NOT MY HAPPY NOISE!!! XD -shigh- I guess I should go move....

I dont like myself....

Mood: Depressed
Tunes: "Pictures Of You" The Cure

-shigh- Why am I attached to someone so much that dosnt even know I'm alive???!! Grr.... It annoys me. Why him? Why Robert!? I fall in love to much.

Somethings out there....

Mood: A little scared...but keeping cool.
Tunes: "Lullaby" The Cure (my neverending love/hate relasionship as this song slowly steals my soul)

I went to the beach today. I love going to the beach when its cold and cloudy. When I got there... ravens. Ravens and crows EVERYWHERE!!!! A few fallowed me then flew away. It scared me. I keep seeing them. I dont know if it means anything... but it dosnt feel normal. Nothing feels normal anymore. I keep walking around in a dream state. I keep seeing things.... creepy things.

Loud and tasteless!? I think so

Mood: Content.
Tunes: Differnt songs by David Bowie ;)(sooooooo delicous!)

Oh! What a day! Something strange happend to me... so my friend (You know who you are....) was wearing his bowie shirt and I was wearing mine!! Then the day befor.. My friend Tori was wearing a sulk shirt the same one as meh! Fashion! Oh whata world.

Margar C.

PS

DANCE MAGIC DANCE!

Mixed up

Mood: Depressed and wanting
Tunes: "Charlotte Sometimes'' The Cure
I'm struggling within myself. I wish I know what I was ment to do. If everything became clear... If I knew what my viloent dreams ment... If I knew why!! Mother is making me go to hippie church! I have no reason to go.. Ohh my dreams are getting worse... the shadow is more presant.. It is all I can think about.... Whatever IT may be... who do you think IT is?? (or what it is)

Nightmare of my sweetest love

Turning back I run. Quicker than my heart will beat. I scream for you. Your voice is there, yet you are not. Tis the nightmare of my sweetest love. I see your shadow at the top of twisted iron stairs. Your eyes are black... like your matted hair. I run to you. You only stare...not speaking. As if you had my heart.. you jesture for me to fallow. Fallow I do, my love. All to quickly. My head grows dizzy... the world spins into black. I fall down the stairs... Are you screaming? Are you laughing? Are we falling? Oh the nightmare of my bloodlove.

Should I?

Should I end it all? He dosnt love me... he dosnt need me... does he? Can I feel him? I see him but hes far away... I need him by me.... I want him close. Tis another sad dream i have.... ohhh why do I need him?? Does he need me?

Sometimes I'm dreaming.

Mood: Kind of depressed
Tunes: "Charlotte Sometimes" The Cure

Weird flashes of random people come into my head when i close my eyes.... I keep shaking... I keep thinking... keep wanting... sometimes wrong with me!! He's hurt my soul and stolen me... yet I love him still... why does he tease me?

Tempted

Mood: Not really feeling any emotion
Tunes: "Charlotte Sometimes" The Cure

Ive been tempted to stay awake and see if there is a person or thing in my room... its been casuing me so much feelings..... And there are birds outside my windows... a raven and a crow. Dose ot mean anything?? Does IT (if IT exsisit) mean anything!!? I am I just going insane?? Can shaodws feel?? Do shadows love? Are they there?? I wish it was all clear....

I want to feel

Mood: Depressed
Tunes: "All these things that Ive done" The Killers and "Pictures of You" The Cure (not at the same time)

I wanna let go!! I'm sick of the world!! I feel empty...trapped. Alone. I want IT to show its self... tell me that its real... tell me anything!! What if IT loves me?? I linger for a shadow.... I want someone to take me away from the world.. I want to leave the world... just for awhile. Why am I drawn to a shadow? Is it a sprit? Is it a person? Is it a glimpse of someone I'm going to meet? Who is it WHAT is it!!?? Anger fills my bones and makes me hurt...pain everywhere. I want to scream!! I want to talk to someone!!! I want to believe in someone or something!! I want to feel!!

Feeling awake

Mood: Confused, Emotions tangled....
Tunes: "The Perfect Boy" The Cure

I feel alive at night... In the day I walk in a daze from everything... waiting for that shigh in my ear when I sleep... waiting for IT to tempt me in its shadows.... in its shadows only to lull me into sleep. What does it want!?? It confused me

He's the perfect boy <3

Mood: Happy..silly
Tunes: "The Perfect Boy" The Cure

Well... he is the perfect boy.... :P <3 <3

I feel good today. I guess because IM GETTING THE CURE TSHRIT!! YAY!!!

See ya

Margar C

Why?

Mood: Longing.....weak
Tunes: "Pictures of You" The Cure <3

I feel so weak. I cant sleep at night. I wake up crying and angery. I start to shake. I become dizzy. I start to here "To Wish Impossible Things" And I feel as if someome watches me in the shadows. Like I hear something else breathing.... like its so close...so very close.... I cant see it but I hear something like in my ear..like breathing. I get so dizzy I fall back and fall into sleep. Please! Someone who reads this tell me what it means.

Unwanted eyes

Mood: Pissed off... mad...angery....sad...calm
Tunes: the only thing i listen to when i feel this bad "Brick" Ben Folds Five

My conformist nazi motherfucking fat ass bastard son of a whore bitch band teacher made this whole show of basicly telling me to put my journal away. Then he looks threw it and starts asking questions then he says over his mike "Hey why dont you write a poem?" and everyone turns around and looks at me!!! He just smiled and mocked me. I wanted to cry.... The Unwanted Eyes of The Conformity have peerd into the blackness of my words.

Coming on quitely

Mood: Weak
Tunes: "Lullaby" The Cure

I havent really been talking... I havent felt like I need to say anything. If I do talk, its mainly forced conversation Oh well.

The world isnt helping....

Mood: kind of pissed
Tunes: "Lullaby" The Cure (I WANT THAT SHIRT SOOO BAD!!!!! DX)

I dont know why I'm so pissed. I'm just pissed.. and the world isnt helping... God I just want that shirt soo badly. Oh well... I'll get it... how? Havent figured that out yet

Ugh.... socalizing....

Mood: Eh -sulk-
Tunes: "24 Hours" Joy Divison <3 <3

I have to go to some werid lunchon thing today for some people at moms church. I dont really want to go. I kind of just want to sit and listen to my tunes and read. I mean, I'll know some people but its just like forced conversation with them. Its just words thrown out there to show some experiance or just to say something for the soul perpous of something being said. To make matters more difficult, Mother invited people to comeover after the event. -groan- Why? Cant she see I'm having one of my "Oh-my-god-can-I-just-not-talk-about-anything-for-awhile!!?" days! Well, I'm going to try and go to the mall tomarrow for The Cure shirt. But... Its not likely.... Mother is pissed at me. :(